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Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Thoughts of Spring


My skin is a red, I smell like sun screen, and I am finding peanut shells in all of my clothes.

That means it is time for some thoughts from the first week of Spring Training!

- The HoHoKaam concessions team needs to take a good look in the mirror. How in the world can you run out of Hot Dogs before the game starts? It’s a baseball game! Baseball games need hot dogs. And to be honest…spring training is not really about baseball. It’s more like a beer and hot dog pool party with some baseball to distract you from the third degree sunburn you are developing. Spring Training without hot dogs is like the Grammy’s without music. It would be like watching all of this year’s Grammy nominees mime their hit songs. It would be like turning on the Oscars to find all the beautiful people walking the red carpet in Old Navy pajama bottoms. It just doesn’t make sense. Please buy more hot dogs before March 20th.

- People tan prior to spring training. There is a woman who is always in the left field lawn at the Cubs’ home stadium. She is about 50 years old, has long dark hair, always wears a red bikini top, and has skin that would make any cowboy jealous. I am convinced that prior to spring training she tans for 4 hours a day. This year as I walked by her she smelled a little funny. But it didn’t smell like sun screen…which has me thinking…maybe she actually brushes herself with a water-based Minwax Redwood Stain. This is the only plausible explanation for her beef jerky like skinning texture and tinting.

- Concession stands are confusing. As you enter Tempe Diablo Stadium you assume that there is one variety of concession stand and they all have the same food, beer, etc. All of these stands are labeled with the same holy word… “CONCESSIONS”. However, this generic title could not be more misleading. Some concessions stands have Bud Light. Some have Fat Tire. Some have Sam Adams. Some have Coors Light. Some have bottles. Some have tap. Some have grilled hot dogs. Some have the soggy dog wrapped in foil. Some have nachos, red ropes, and churros. Others have veggie burgers, sunflower seeds, and popcorn. Luckily I found the stand with Blue Moon and the freshly grilled dog.

- Spring training is a great place to make friends. For Sunday’s game Taryn and I had to get tickets off craigslist. Why you ask? Because it was sold out! Which made parking, lawn seating, and potty lines very frustrating. This is quite unusual for games this early in March. I digress. The woman who sold us her tickets told us that we should meet up outside the stadium at 12:15. She started texting me at 11:00 to tell me how excited she was about the game…“OMG, I cannot wait for some cubbie b-ball.” The texts continued for an hour or so until we finally met outside Gate B. She approached us, gave us the tickets, and asked… “so are you guys going to grab a drink out here with us, or what?” We went with “or what”. We declined, went inside, and grabbed a prime piece of lawn to watch our cubbies. While watching the game my new friend texted me each time the Cubs scored. New friend, if you are reading this, please delete my number from your phone.

And what do I think about the Cubs chances this year? I think they will be fine. If Soriano and Ramirez can get a solid two weeks of spring training in and remain healthy, the Cubs will defend their NL Central crown.

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Jordan Lane Shappell said...

your wit and humor seems to be on display most here.

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