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Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Dear Pen Stealers...


Dear Doctor's Office Pen Stealers,

You are privileged here in our office. We don't give you some clickidy-clicking ballpoint pen plastered with advertisements for erectile dysfunction prescriptions. We give you quality pens. Both the UniBall Jetstream and the Staple's made Sonix Gel are wonderful writing utensils. We have chosen these pens because they write smoothly (allowing your still highly illegible hand writing to be slightly more legible) and because they have a much longer shelf life then a standard Bic.

I understand why you would want to steal them. I really do. I love pens. But how about some pen gratitude? When you write with our blue-inked UniBall Jetstream why don't you just ask me where we bought them? When you experience the .07mm glory of the Sonix Gel, why don't you say thank you for such a wonderful paperwork completing tool? What compels you to sneak it into your purse? I saw you! Ya, YOU! Just now. You are a stealer.

I know times are difficult. I know that the economy is in the crapper. Your 401k looks more like $4.01. I get it. But you are a Manhattan resident (most often a doctor, professor, lawyer, graphic designer, small business owner etc.) who can afford to buy your own pens. Honestly, if you ask me about our pens I will tell you where we got them and perhaps even order you a box. I may even let you know that a better pen, the UniBall Vision Exact (.1mm), is on sale at the Staple's on 72nd.

So I beg you, please stop stealing our pens. If you don't start showing some gratitude I will start ordering #2 pencils and force you to sharpen them with a plastic knife.

Thanks in advance.


Your Office Manager
Jarrod Shappell

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Jari said...
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Jari said...

and you say you don't love your job. i hear passion.

Barb said...

You could always tape a large flower to the top, making the pen so ugly that no one would want to be seen with it. Some physicians have resorted to that--and leave you a flower pot pen holder in which to deposit the fragrant-less writing utensil.
The days of free pens from vendors are short-lived (you will not be getting a Siemens pen in your Christmas stocking as we have been cut off from dispensing those Siemens give-aways), so I suggest hoarding the freebies from the erectile dysfunction medication vendors for use later when your budget does not allow the extravagance of the deluxe pens. If they want to walk around with an erectile dysfunction pen, so be it. It will leave others wondering why they have it--may be a good conversation starter.

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