I have a confession.

For a number of year there has been a battle raging inside of me.

It's been rumbling for years. It burns and bubbles and it will soon reach its climactic explosion.

Ok...that's a little too dramatic.

What "battle" am I talking about you ask….is it SODA or POP?

Intention: a determination to act in a certain way; to aim at a target; the resolve to will something into being; to focus one's capacity to choose on an object or course of action.

I have heard it said that a healthy life cannot be lead without intentionality. Do you think that is true?

In my opinion, while there are good and bad intentions…there is no way around them (there are many today who would disagree with that statement and associate intentional living with having an agenda or manipulation). If we look up at the definition again we see that anytime we "focus our capacity to choose on an object or course of action" we have become intentional. Intention is unavoidable. For example, if you are thinking about San Francisco, the increased cost of living there, or about your meeting someone there at AT&T Park…your mind, your thinking, is directed toward San Francisco. You are showing intention towards San Francisco.

Our intentions reveal themselves in our thoughts, how we spend our time, where we spend our time, with whom we spend our time, how we spend our money, how we speak to others, and the list could go on and on.

Our intentions are revealed in the living of our lives.

If we value our health, what will we see? We will see someone who snacks on celery and peanut butter, splits their chipotle burrito (I usually get extra chicken, what does that say?), and goes to the gym at least twice a week. If we value a future career in law, what will we see? We will see a Wall Street Journal, books thicker than most mattresses, school debt, time with respected lawyers, and thoughts revolving around the legal ramifications of the Starbucks employee who won't stop commenting on how much he loves your new Rock and Republics.

Our intentions speak loudly of where we place value.

The problem we often face is that our minds are bombarded with so many thoughts each day we simply overlook or forget about many of our desired intentions. Our desired intentions are often quite different than the things we appear to be intentional about.

So how do we then acknowledge our intentions as an individual or an organization? We look at our actions. We discover our real values or our real ethos by looking at how we live. You may say that you love Suzzie Q but you have not called her in weeks. You may say that you are a company that cares for its employees, but you have not had "Fun Friday" since you were first hired. You may say that you are a church that is intentional about prayer, but it is not practiced in the context of a service. Our actions may not align with our intended intentions.

Look around. What do we do? Where do we spend our time? Where are our thoughts directed? Where is our money spend? Where do our intentions show? Does what we intend to be intentional about show up in our lived intentionality (good sentence, eh)? Psych students, weigh in on this one. Where do our intentions come from? Should we even be intentional or should we simply allow who we are to "organically" manifest itself in life? Is intention dishonoring of who we are created to be?

Let's take some time and really ask…what are my intentions?

Many have said that you can tell a lot about a city by their airports. I am just beginning to agree.

I have the remarkable gift of flying for no cost due to my Father's hard work as an employee at US Airways. What does that mean? I fly everywhere. For free. Nada. The only dilemma is that I have to fly stand-by, and for those who have never had the pleasure, let me tell you…it can be exhausting. You are always looking for the flight with the most open seats and most often those flights are either early in the morning or in the middle of the week. In some cases you may have to fly out of an alternative airport in order to reach your destination. This has been the case for our last three adventures. Three trips. Three airports.

Eugene. Spokane. Portland.

Eugene, Oregon…the city that never sleeps. Right? Oh wait…never mind…it's the city that's always sleeping because the majority of the town is in a nursing home or sleeping off their high. How do I know that? Because I met half of the town at the airport. Exhibit A: Betty the ticket taker. Her favorite restaurant was Marie Calendar's. Everyone knows that you only eat at Marie Calendar's for the pie…and why would you want pie…munchies. She likes the ganja. She let me know that it was usually busy, so I better get down there quick. Busy? Who eats at Marie Calendar's restaurants and could possibly keep it busy enough that she recommends a call ahead? Who would sit down for dinner at 5 only to leave at 8:30? Old people. So, I have Eugene figured out. Old people. Pot heads. Check.

Spokane, Washington. The home of the Zags. This airport was clean, had a cute little Chili's to go (I got the buffalo chicken sandwich which led me to the lavatory in a hurry. This may be a little gross…but does anyone else enjoy the smell that happens when you flush the toilet in a lavatory? If I could bottle that blue stuff and use it as soap, I would be a happy man.) The news stand was well organized and had both magazines that I wanted to purchase. Wired and Men's Health. That's right ladies…muscle and brains. Anywho…here is what gave this city away. They had a store in the main concourse with the restaurants. What did they sell here? HIKING GEAR! Is there anyone who is about to get on a plane and thinks to themselves, "You know what…I need about 25 feet of rope and a carabineer." Or how about, "I really wish that there was some place near by where I could get a pick axe and some green hiking shoes for my next climb. Oh wait…there it is!!!" Spokane…you hike too much. Stay inside, watch some TV, and maybe consider a "Made in Washington" rather than "Hikes R Us".

Portland, Oregon. Want to know about this city? Just look at the carpet and the miscellaneous airport decor. It looks as if they went back to '91, called David Bowie, Mr. T, and Hammer and asked for their wardrobes. The carpet looks like the pattern on Hammer's Hammer Pants during the Can't Touch This video. It's awful. Then, they actually just took Mr. T's pendants and hung them throughout the concourse. I actually said this sentence…"Look babe…there is 24k gold baby Jesus in a manger. I think T wore that on the A Team!" So the consensus on Portland? Get with the times! Re-carpet your airport and just get Nike to swoosh out your terminals.

How is that for a judgmental rant? Ehhhh? Anyone else get a good impression of a city (or even a country) by their experience in an airport?

I have a business idea and I need some help. I need a name, a few million bucks, some property, and some kind of covenant with a mattress company.

Ready for the sales pitch?

Have you ever finished lunch at 1:30 on the other side of town, only to realize that you have a meeting at 4:45 just up the street? Did you want to drive home and relax, but didn't want to battle the stifling rush hour traffic? Have you ever found yourself in between appointments but not knowing anyone or anything in the area? Want to enjoy some peace and quiet without having to fight for a table in your local Starbucks? Perhaps you had a long morning and want a nap, but how can that happen when you are so far from home?

The answer?

The sleepy stop…or…the nap nook…or…the doze den…or…siesta center…or…Lou's snooze palace.

For those of us who live in cities, have extreme commutes, enjoy the periodic afternoon shut-eye, and tend to be a little more introverted, this would be sweet. Instead of driving from Anaheim all the way back to Hollywood so that you can have a two hour period of relaxation, you can just stop in at one of the many Cat Nap Corners. Rather than driving from North Scottsdale, out to Laveen, and then back up to Scottsdale for dinner, why not enjoy a nap at the Hibernation Station?

Customers would pay per hour, per room. Each room would come with a Bose Stereo alarm clock, a white noise machine, a bed of your choice (firm, soft, pillow top, postropedic, sleep number, you name it we got it at Slumberland.), and an array of blankets. Each room would come with free wi-fi and one beverage of your choice.

Here is where my idea stops. I need a cost analysis, a mattress endorsement (anyone know Debbie Gabby?), and other sleeping accessory ideas. Let's brain storm together and then I will take this to the many millionaires who support me as I look to bring life to many unsuccessful businesses. Of course before I can create a business plan I need a name. What should the name be ladies and gents? What else is needed for this Mattress Mansion?

"Love community and you will kill it
Love your brother and you will build it"- D.B.

Have you planned a party that no one came to? I did once.

I got decorations, bought way too much meat (the only time I didn't buy too much meat is when we had the world famous seven meat BBQ which I am still stopped up from), and even sent out an e-vite. It was a cool e-vite too. It had a funny picture, a catchy party title, and was sent to over 40 people. When it came time for the party, I was ready to go. I looked good. I showered. Got my hairr did. I was ready to party.

Ding-dong. Who is at the door I wondered? Oh…it's Taryn. Of course she is coming. She is my wife.

Over the next two hours, four people showed up. Four. Out of fourty.

But I had done such a good job of planning the party! The e-vite was stunning. The decorations were shnazy. The stereo was blaring the hippest hipster tunes ("This is why, this is why, this is why I'm hot…"). This was a great party…for four people.

I threw a party to attend. But no one did.

____________________________________________________________

I often wonder if we throw parties with no greater desire than to have a great party. I often wonder if we gather together for gathering's sake rather than for those we gather with. I often wonder if we enjoy the party, the event, the concert, the church service, and the festival more than those we attend the gathering with.

I often wonder if we love community more than our neighbors.

Another quote from another smart guy comes to mind.

"More and more, the desire grows in me simply to walk around, greet people, enter their homes, sit on their doorsteps, play ball, throw water, and be known as someone who wants to live with them….Still, it is not as simple as it seems. My own desire to be useful, to do something significant, or to be part of some impressive project is so strong that soon my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups, and workshops that prevent me from walking the streets. It is difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around an urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly for social progress. But I wonder more and more if the first thing shouldn't be to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them, but truly love them." – H.N.

I begrudgingly admit that I struggle, just as Henri Nouwen does. Often times, my own desire is to throw a great party, plan a great service, or even simply to be a part of a dynamic community. But for what? For me? For my self interest? So that I feel that I am a successful leader, worship leader, or host? So that I do not feel alone or so that I grow in self worth? Come on Jarrod.

It is my hope that we can begin to value our brothers and sisters over the illusive concept of community. I hope that we can value the people at the party more than the party itself. I hope that we spend more time creating relationships than an e-vite. Only when we value one another over our needs being met will we experience the illusive community we desire.

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart

- James Morrison, You Give Me Something

While my time at Mars Hill Graduate School is full of meaningful theological discussions (and professors singing along to 8 1/2 minutes of November Rain), some of the most formative times for me have revolved around therapeutic theories and practice. I would like to share one such conversation with you now.

D i f f e r e n t i a t i o n.

The concept of differentiation is often abstract and is used to discuss "your ability to maintain your sense of self when you are emotionally and/or physically close to others". In other words, it's the discussion of what happens between the two territories of dependence and independence. With that said, being differentiated then means fully knowing who I am, what my boundaries are, what my values are; and still being able to grow closer to the people I love.

Look back at the word again. What do you see in that word? It's the root word that jumps out, right? Different. Differentiation is a discussion about how those in relationship/community/marriage hold on to and live into their differences. It's the way in which we celebrate our God given uniqueness while acknowledging that in conjunction with others beauty is created that cannot be created on our own.

What is interesting in the discussion of differentiation is that men often sacrifice relationship for their sense of self and women often sacrifice their sense of self for relationship. Women, in order to remain in a relationship often abandon their desires, dreams, and values to make relationship work. Men on the other hand will not budge and would rather cut ties than change "who they are".

Differentiation is the interplay between who I am and who I am with others.

Differentiation is a tension. A tension that is often difficult to define and difficult to practice. But yet I believe that differentiation is imperative if we are going to avoid compromising core values and beliefs, work effectively with conflict, argue effectively, and develop loving relationships.

With all of that said…does it make sense? Where have you seen a lack of differentiation in yourself? In others? Are you interested in further differentiation? How do you build differentiation? How can you grow in individuality while growing closer to someone? Where have you seen the gendered differences in differentiation?

We have kinda talked about this before. Read it.

My last post on transparency didn't seem to rouse any souls. So due to unpopular demand I am going to keep talking about it.

Have you seen these over weight women on TV commercials? I am sure that you have. For the past three years or so there has been a shift in product marketing. We have gone from beach babes with flowing dark hair to "normal" looking product models. Weight Watchers, Dove, and other companies have used curvaceous women as they continue their campaign for "true beauty".

This trend was recently highlighted in an Adweek Article. A portion of the article read:

"People will talk about most anything because of reality and talk shows like Dr. Phil and Oprah," says Laura Slutsky, president of New York-based PeopleFinders, "Television has become a confessional."

Advertising in which people bare their souls—and even break down—marks a significant evolution from the man-on-the-street interviews and typical testimonials real people have been delivering for decades. Slutsky, who has been in the real-people casting business since the mid-'70s, says nothing about real life was coming through in such ads of the '70s and '80s. "People were not talking about intimate feelings or life-changing issues such as smoking, drinking, pregnancy, breast cancer—not in those years," she says.

This article, if you take the time to read it, communicates that we are living in a new time. The consumer is no longer impressed by the shiny package or a tall Cindy Crawford look-a-like. The consumer no longer gets lost in the hype (unless it's an Apple product). The consumer is not fooled by taglines, gimmicks, or a light and smoke show.

This generation is looking for authenticity, transparency, and honesty. We are looking for real life and real experiences.

Marketing agencies have figured it out. But have we? No matter what it is that you are selling…a school, a book, a CD, a religion, a movement, even yourself…what do you say? How do you communicate the things you want others to get behind? How do you communicate the things that you are most important to you? Do you use a stage, lights, or a glam marketing scam? Do you beat around the bush? Do you stay on the surface and never cut to the chase? Do you bring out your stunning model persona while keeping reality behind your designer words?

I struggle with this because transparency is difficult…but I am beginning to see a world around me that is thirsty for it. Our generation has a dry mouth that has been filled with fluff. So the question is, can we accept the challenge to bring an honesty that is not watered down and is truly transparent?

Let's talk all things authenticity, transparency, and even good ol' honesty. Who have you experienced as authentic? Where have you seen transparency and been attracted? How do you struggle with living life authentically? Where do you find it difficult to be transparent?

Secrets, secrets, are no fun.

It was February 26^th. Muggie (that is what we called Matt Mugford before he became the sex God that he is today) and I were on our way back to my home to “play some NFL Blitz”…or so I was told. As I walked in the door, I was led upstairs to the hunter green den. As I opened the door, there were screams and confetti poppers. “SURPRISE!!” Yelled the room full of friends.

Taryn had set up an elaborate surprise birthday party…there was only one problem.

I already knew about it.

I had checked other’s e-mails, snooped through backpacks and discovered notes, and did my best to creep into other’s conversations. Why? Because I hate surprises. While it may be that I like security and predictability, or perhaps it’s that I am a control freak, I just don’t like surprises. I like to know what’s coming. I like to know what other people are planning. I like to know what others are thinking, scheming, and dreaming. I like to peer into the minds and lives of others (just ask the people who live in the building across the street).

It is for this reason that I read almost 20 blogs a day. While I am sure there are those that still think blogging is for techies and teenie boppers only, I have friends who visit over 80 different blogs a day (if this is you…stop reading and go TALK to someone. I mean seriously. 80 blogs?!). Blogs are windows into the lives of others. They tell secrets, weekend plans, love stories, recipes, equations, videos, etc.

It doesn’t stop with blogs either. We live in a time where Paris Hilton’s sex tapes and Britney Spear’s cell phone pictures can be passed around the web in a matter of minutes. We live in a time where a mayor’s explicit e-mails can be forwarded to all of the senate before noon. Secrets are becoming more and more difficult to hold. What was once private is now public.

So what does this mean? It means we live in a time of transparency. In the business world it is often referred to as radical transparency. Companies such as google, wikipedia, and facebook are always showing their cards. They are showing their projects in Beta form, they are offering free software, and they are releasing open source programs. Southwest Airlines even has a blog ran by employees that tells their every day experience on the job. They tell the dark stuff (a flight attendant slapped somebody) and the good (benefits, pay scale, etc) These companies are willing to show the world EVERYTHING that is moving within the organization. They show the process in which they are in. They show private thoughts to the public.

“Secrecy is dying. And its probably already dead.”

So what does this mean for you and I as we live in a world that is quickly becoming transparent? Does it make you uncomfortable? Do you like surprises and secrets? Why do you read other’s blogs? Why do you read this one? What does the Church do in a world that is quickly becoming more transparent? What is the difference between being transparent and being held accountable?