Dying in the Right Direction

Battling Personality

2009-07-07T20:29:00.000-07:00

As Anderson Cooper and friends continue to propagate our televisions with discussion around the cause of Jackson's death, his relationship with Bubbles the Chimpanzee, and his strange relationship with the media I am stuck on a simple sentence shared at today's memorial service.

In a prerecorded voice over Michael Jackson said, "But I must confess, it feels good to be thought of as a person and not a personality."

Michael was a man objectified by many, known by few, and understood by fewer. Strange. Eccentric. Greedy. Haunted. Perverted.

And maybe some of those "personalities" are true of Michael. That is not for me to judge. But it's odd how often we play into these personalities. As we are objectified. We get defensive. We isolate. We act out. We play into the names thrown at us. I believe Michael did just that.

And yet today at the memorial service there was story after story sharing the beauty of this man's life. Today his friends talked about the person. The generosity. The smile. The child like laugh. Today we saw the person, minus the personalities.

I believe that San Francisco, like Michael, is a place fighting its own personality (or personalities). Objectified as liberal, gay, and obnoxious. Named disrespectful, greedy, crude, and weird. Yet appreciative of beauty in both nature and humanity. Home of new ideas. A city full of generosity. San Francisco, I don't know your person yet. But I want to. I want to know more than your personalities. I want to hear more than your protest and frustration. I want to know where the passion comes from. The story that birthed this desire in you. SF, I can't wait to get to know you.

Wright on Interpretating Scripture (and Fantasy Baseball Trades?)

2009-06-28T01:53:00.000-07:00

“When people see themselves in zero-sum relationship with other people — see their fortunes as inversely correlated with the fortunes of other people, see the dynamic as win-lose — they tend to find a scriptural basis for intolerance or belligerence...When they see the relationship as non-zero-sum — see their fortunes as positively correlated, see the potential for a win-win outcome — they’re more likely to find the tolerant and understanding side of their scriptures.”

- Robert Wright, The Evolution of God

San Francisco: More than a Job

2009-06-13T13:23:00.000-07:00

In January, while Taryn and I were in NYC, I was miserable. I hated my job, the weather, and being so far from friends and family. At work, during those difficult evenings, I opened a word document and scribble down some dreams. Dreams for my family. Dreams for my city. Dreams for my career. During one of those evenings I wrote this:

I think I am supposed to be a pastor. Not pastor as you may know pastor. Not the guy in the suit beating his Bible and taking your money. Not that there is anything wrong with that person, I am just not that guy. I think I am called to create positive environments that bring people together so that they may feel loved by God and one another. I believe that I have a God given ability to call/send/direct people towards intimacy. That sounds like a pastor, doesn't it?

But then there are moments, days, even months where I think I have "more" to offer. I think there is more to my calling then the church I have known. More than meetings about sermon series. More than arguments over worship style and theological position on natural disasters. More than the building, the strategy, and the marketing materials. More than membership policies and small group sign up sheets. More than efficiency and numbers.

I hope for a room full of people. All in love with one another. Knowing that they can ask anything of anyone and it will be done. I imagine honesty about our pain and 199 person-sized shoulder to cry on. I imagine mourning with them and knowing their death so that they may better understand life. I imagine a faithful group. Faithful to one another and the convictions inside themselves. I imagine this to be a welcoming place. A place that invites others to relationship without coercion, indoctrination, or violence. I imagine something new and infectious. I imagine art on the walls and ideas fueling our conversations. I imagine risk and yet safety. Boldness yet humility. I imagine both social and personal change. In short, I imagine redemption for many through a love for all.

Tomorrow I put the hypotheticals to rest. No longer can I just prose about what I hope for. Tomorrow I begin the hard work of organizing a community of people to serve the city of San Francisco.

I don't believe that vocational ministry is something you choose. It often chooses you. This has been one of those instances. I am humbled, thrilled, and scared to death of beginning this work but know that it is the grand experiment that I am supposed to be a part of at this time.

San Francisco: A Decision in Context

2009-06-09T17:14:00.000-07:00

"In other words, an action, or for that matter a decision, is simply unintelligible separated from the rest of one's life/story narrative and one's cultural context because its not capable of being mad sense of. Apart from a context, a decision will appear to be an arbitrary act made on the spur of the moment for short-term immediate gain with little long-term consequences. Decisions all alone, therefore, isolated from our stories carry dubious value. They are unintelligible."

- David Fitch

San Francisco: Next

2009-06-02T09:17:00.000-07:00

Three months ago we had no idea where we were going to live.

We had it boiled down to Chicago and Los Angeles. One had our friends. The other a place that we could start careers. We stayed in this binary decision for a loooong time with no hope in site. LA most days. Chicago some others. Cubs. Dodgers. Sunshine. Seasons. Friends. Brother. Cosmetic surgery. Chain smoking. Traffic. Face chapping wind. We just couldn’t decide. Nor did we feel like there was one that we were “called” to.

It was at this time that we made some very desperate calls for others to intentionally engage this decision with us. We called mentors in Seattle. Friends who know our dreams and desires. Family members who were willing to offer opinions. We prayed. They prayed. We asked questions. They asked questions.

After much patience and the use of some roll over minutes we decided to chase our dream.

Three years ago, two dear friends and I sat at Macaroni Grill and discussed what it may look like to live the gospel in the context of San Francisco. While both of them have fallen in love with their own city, Taryn and I have remained transient and with a vision for living life in San Francisco. When we talked about where we saw ourselves in 20 years we both said San Francisco. Our dream was to be in SF.

After a brief visit to SF and some networking efforts things began to come together. Within a 72 hours span I was offered a job, Taryn received two interviews, we had affordable housing for the summer, and someone to split a moving truck with. We were moving to San Francisco!

Over the next two weeks I hope to unpack some boxes and some of the lessons that Taryn and I have learned through this formative decision making process. We are thrilled for what is next and I hope that our story will somehow connect with yours.

Christian Bale on Acting (and pastor/therapist?)

2009-05-29T10:23:00.000-07:00

"I watch so few movies. I didn’t get into this because I love movies. I got into it because I love putting myself in other people’s shoes and investigating."

- Christian Bale in this month's GQ

Off Broadway: Done

2009-05-28T10:19:00.001-07:00

Taryn is done.

We are done.

We now sit in Phoenix, Arizona while our belongings travel just north of us in Colorado somewhere. We have been asked if we are sad. Yes we are sad. We have been asked if we will miss New York. Yes we will miss it.

But we are excited for the future. More to come on that...

Off Broadway: Creative Fuel

2009-05-22T15:27:00.000-07:00

Today, as I sit among boxes, I stumbled upon this excerpt from the Economist.

Anecdotal evidence has long held that creativity in artists and writers can be associated with living in foreign parts. Rudyard Kipling, Pablo Picasso, Ernest Hemingway, Paul Gauguin, Samuel Beckett and others spent years dwelling abroad. Now a pair of psychologists has proved that there is indeed a link.

As they report in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, William Maddux of INSEAD, a business school in Fontainebleau, France, and Adam Galinsky, of the Kellogg School of Management in Chicago, presented 155 American business students and 55 foreign ones studying in America with a test used by psychologists as a measure of creativity. Given a candle, some matches and a box of drawing pins, the students were asked to attach the candle to a cardboard wall so that no wax would drip on the floor when the candle was lit. (The solution is to use the box as a candleholder and fix it to the wall with the pins.) They found 60% of students who were either living abroad or had spent some time doing so, solved the problem, whereas only 42% of those who had not lived abroad did so.

Taryn and I generally take a "no regrets, you can't change the past" posture. However, we do believe in taking time to reflect on our past so that we can better create our future. We have reflected greatly on whether this move to NYC was worth it.

While the above quote is talking about living outside of the United States I think it captures some of what has made our time in NYC "worth it". Encountering "foreign parts" (people, cultures, religions, language, etc) has been the groundwork for interpersonal, artistic, and scholarly creativity. New environments help create new behaviors. New behaviors that we are quite thankful for.

Off Broadway: Black, Blackish, and Gray

2009-05-18T19:08:00.000-07:00

I was told that when I moved to NYC I would see a drastic change in my wardrobe. I was told that my clothes would get tighter and that all of the color would magically disappear.

That's exactly what happened.

Moving to SF will require that I add some color.

Off Broadway: Understanding

2009-05-15T07:24:00.000-07:00

New York has helped me better identify that there is a difference between understanding and believing.

New York is a place where people are willing to listen to what life has taught you. People want to hear the highs and lows. The peaks and valleys. The scraped knees and photo finishes. They will celebrate your future and mourn your past. They want to know what life has taught you. People want to know what you have come to understand through the uniqueness of your life.

However they are not interested in hearing what you believe. They don't want to know your position on Obama's newest policy. They don't care what you think about the new Yankee Stadium. They could care less about your theology of homosexuality. If you read it in a book, went to a conference for it, or heard it on NPR chances are that no one here cares.

Why? Because beliefs are often absent of relationship. And New Yorkers can smell that from the Hamptons...and to them it smells like New Jersey (New Yorker joke!!! and SNL reference!! Double points!!).

I imagine if we took time to ask ourselves what we have come to understand we would realize that our understandings are formed when we come into relationship with someone or something. Only in relationship, with a flesh-to-flesh experience, do our beliefs grow traction and become understanding.

I am grateful to NYC for this reminder.

Off Broadway: Career

2009-05-11T13:23:00.000-07:00

“This economic recession and the unsteady job market provides the perfect storm for you to chase the career of your dreams”

“If you don’t love your job, quit. The money’s not worth it.”

“You have been created to be the best at something. You are uniquely you and you can make millions of dollars being just that.”

“Never do it just for the pay check. That’s shallow and cowardly.”

“In our world today, you really can be anything you want to be”

The voices of New York are loud. These are all quotes from major periodicals or recent conversations with people in the city. I do not contend that they are incorrect or wrong. I just wonder if my age’s obsession with “career” (heightened by unemployment levels and increased debt) should be more often coupled with conversations of our character or with the quality of relationships in our lives.

In New York it is not irregular to introduce yourself by saying what you do, what part of town you do it in, and who you know that does it best. That’s how we define ourselves.

In my current position (at a doctor’s office) I had to create a welcome letter for the new facility that is opening in midtown. Each doctor was responsible to get me a 4 to 5 sentence biography. Each doctor e-mailed me a biography that was 6 to 7 sentences in length and without any personal narrative. They had so much professional career that they wanted to share in those sentences that they didn’t have room to mention their families, hobbies, or community involvement.

I asked them to add a sentence. Who cares if the letter is a little long. They cannot be defined by credentials alone.

We moved to New York City so Taryn could get her master’s degree. That was our purpose for being here. So my purpose? To be a great husband to my Ivy League student (fitting two years worth of classes into nine months) with a 30-hour-week-internship. I did my best. I hope she agrees. Do I feel like I wasted a year of professional opportunities? No. I would hope that my employer would be more interested in my passion for others and my heart for seeing their success than he would my year of making copies and getting coffee for someone in midtown.

Maybe you can be anything you want. But I hope we want to be more than our jobs.

Off Broadway: Church/Community

2009-05-09T08:43:00.000-07:00

While in NYC, Taryn and I attended Trinity Grace Church (formerly Origins). We went to Sunday services, did our best to attend a small group, and formed relationships with many there.

During our first few weeks there I had all kinds of nit-picky comments. The music was not very good. The crowd too churchy. The pastor long winded. I even critiqued the bulletin design. Wow.

As a former church programmer and seminary trained twenty-five year old, church condescension comes easy. And what’s up with all of my nit-picking? Is it just the evil soil of our consumerist culture? I don’t think so. I think I had a misguided idea of what church (and for those who aren’t followers of Christ, perhaps the word “community” can act as a substitute) is. I am not sure that I had a good definition (which could have been the result of two years of church shopping in Seattle) or even a definition at all. But I was living as though I thought community was supposed to be like-minded individuals seeking a common way of living while going after a common, agreed upon mission.

It may be fear or loneliness that motivates us to search for others who look like us. Now, I am not denying what seems to be natural attraction to persons with common interests and passions. My worry is that we have come to prefer not those with similarities, but our mirror images. All of us come in contact with difference. But when faced with the foreign feeling difference brings, we search for something more familiar. More us. We shop for the familiar constantly. We leave churches in search of a pastor we better agree with. We choose our friends based on the quantities of conflict. We pick our neighborhoods based on the color of our neighbor’s skin. We even pick grocery stores that are more “us”. We insulate ourselves with walls of “us”.

Church is not intended to be this ideological back scratching. It is not to be a place where you will enjoy everyone’s company. Everyone should not look like you. There should be a diversity of age, race, thought, and lifestyle. Church is the gathering of people around the story of Jesus. God crucified. Life lived in this posture of His sacrifice. And yet we often miss that as we drive 45 minutes for a church that has worship music more our style.

This is dangerous. Sorry, that is understated. This will ruin us.

We have unrealistic expectations for our churches. We expect to find life long friends, top 40 tunes, and Shakespearian preaching. Under one roof. Without hardship. Without gossip. Without power struggles. All while searching for communities, friends, and maybe even partners that uphold the fantasies of our goodness.

We were guilty of this.

There is beauty to be found in difference. Beauty to be found in having your theology challenged. Beauty in carrying others burdens and having your burdens carried. Beauty in having your ego deflated. Beauty in learning another culture. Beauty in sharing a dream and a mission with others.

And all of this can be had if we would stop looking for others that look like us and simply look at our neighbor. And love them.

New York, Trinity Grace, our small group, and our mix of friends have reminded us of this.

Off Broadway: Apartment Living

2009-05-04T21:10:00.000-07:00

The home we had in Seattle was a mansion (read: coooondooo). We had stainless steel appliances, marble counter tops, a view of the Puget Sound, a microwave, and TWO SINKS! We hosted rooftops BBQs while staring at Mt. Rainer. We had a concierge who would pick up our dry cleaning. It was a palace and we really had no idea.

Our current home has no garbage disposal, no dishwasher, terrible hot water, wafer thin walls, and a toilet that screams like a prepubescent boy each time you flush it. Did I mention the holes in the wall, the slanted stove, and the refrigerator without a light? What about the heater that only works in the summer, the dislocated light switch, and the 300 pound elephant who is constantly bowling while listening to Dr. Dre only one floor above us?

I do not point this out to talk about how crappy our New York City apartment is, rather to note how grateful I am for the things that I have. I believe that gratitude is more discipline than emotional response. It is a posture we take towards life (active) rather than just a spontaneous emotional reaction (passive).

New York, and my avoidant superintendent Jimmy, has been a place that has invited me to this kind of discipline.

Off Broadway: Food

2009-05-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

New York City is living proof that our food system is not just or sustainable.

Taryn and I live in an area that is commonly referred to as the "grocery graveyard". The people of Harlem have very few groceries and often have to walk a mile to find fresh produce, locally produced cheese and meat, and healthy options for their children. The alternative then? Fast food. As the southwestern portion of Harlem developed in the last 25 years, the state government gave tax exemptions for restaurants willing to open a location in the area. The result? Three Dunkin' Doughnuts and two McDonald's before you would see any kind of medium sized produce baring grocery store.

Then just three miles south, on the same little slice of land, are the world's finest restaurants.

Taryn and I have tried our best to live in this balance. To buy local produce at markets and to take advantage of the fine culinary experiences of the city. Could we do better? Probably. But I now have a much greater awareness of what justice looks like in terms of food. If you are interested in this conversation at all I would pick up Closing the Food Gap and watch the soon to be released Food Inc.

Moving now to our favorite restaurants in no particular order:

Otto: Batali's cheapest NYC option. If you go here get the Stomata de Parmesan and either the prosciutto or the copa. Follow it up with the rigatoni with escarole. Great wine list and never skip dessert. Taryn and I's favorite meal in the city.
Co: Pizza is not about the toppings (Dad!). It's about the dough. Jim Lahey nails it at his modern Chelsea pizza palace. Decent wine, Blue Moon on tap. Everything else on the menu is average. Stick to pizza.
Balthazar's: The Macaroni Au Gratin is worth the impending cardiac arrest. This place is very NY-Scene. Go here when you visit. Brunch is ok, lunch and dinner are better.
Rack & Soul: This place is close by on the UWS but it was pulled straight from the South. Speaking of pulled...the pulled pork is where it's at.
Mesa Grill: Bobby Flay's southwestern cooking style is best seen here during brunch. Great cocktails as well.
Koronet: $3.25 gets you the biggest slice of cheese pizza in Manhattan. Right Jordan?
Momofuku Milk Bar: The pork belly bun with the deep friend soft poached egg is best served with a cup of Stumptown coffee. The desserts, the breads, and the frozen yogurt (they once had a fruity pebble milk flavor!!) will all blow your mind.
Corner Bistro: A great dive bar with a fantastic, cheap burger. Order it medium rare.
Shake Shack: Arguably the best burger in the city. Better than In and Out or Taylor's. ALWAYS get the strawberry shake. There is also a secret coffee flavored shake that is quite delicious (Thanks Hank).
Levain: Best cookie I have ever had. Period.
Little Owl: Best pork chop I have ever had. Ate dinner with Michelle Pfeiffer and Steven Spielberg. It's located in the bottom of the Friend's building.
David Burke's: Three words. Cheesecake. Lollipop. Tree.

These restaurants have made me very thankful that God decided to make food the primary means for our nourishment.

Off Broadway: A Fight for Dignity

2009-05-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

Racism has been a distant thought throughout most of my life.

Not just because of my privilege but because I have been surrounded by African Americans for most of my life. My first childhood friends were black. As I went though middle school I would travel with a diverse basketball team. I have cousins who are minorities. I went into high school spending 4-5 in our gym sweating, working, and hoping with a diverse mix of teammates. It was not that I didn't notice a difference in color or culture...it was that I had spent so much of my life around it that I normalized most perceived racism.

In my current job I am blasted with the reality of racism. The receptionist at the doctor's office where I have worked is a fantastic young Dominican woman. She works nine to five every day, leaves and goes to class, then returns home to help take care of her younger siblings. She is passionate, motivated, kind hearted...and loves Chipotle. We eat it together nearly every day.

I digress. Those lime salted chips are distracting.

As the receptionist she takes a lot of heat. People project onto her their anger about missed appointments, long wait times, and outstanding balances. They scream, cuss, and hang up. They dismiss and ignore. And then I (the blond haired, blue-eyed, white, 6 foot male) get involved. Their tone changes immediately. The balance they owed, that one moment before was causing panic attacks and door slamming, is irrelevant and they bust out their check book and sign with a smile. Patients will call and ask to speak to me rather than the receptionist. They will look right past her hoping to get my attention so that I may answer their requests.

These stories are not grandiose but simple. Subtle but heart breaking.

One day as we sat with each other (inhaling crack-salted Chipotle chips one can assume) I asked her if she noticed. She said she did. "But it's my whole life, ya know? It's nothing new." She continued to cry and through her tears described the difficulties of being a Dominican enculturated as an African American. She described how hard she works and thus how much harder it is for her to accept the way that people dismiss her as uneducated or "ghetto".

She broke my heart that day. Showed me the deep wounds caused by these ev-e-ry-day occurrences. Since then I have worked to defend her. To stand up for her in patient conflicts. To ignore patients cowardly requests to speak with me rather than her. Small but important changes to my behavior.

I hope she has noticed.

Through my work I have been more deeply exposed to a reality that I (please read "we") must fight against. Thank you New York (and Elly) for teaching me not only to identify prejudice, but forcing me to fight for other's dignity.

Off Broadway: A Series of New York Reflections

2009-04-30T07:00:00.000-07:00

In the a recent New York Magazine celebrities and journalists reflect on their early New York City experiences. Their stories hold both pain and joy that uniquely marks a New Yorker. Do I pretend to be a New Yorker? No. But I am thankful for the 10 months that we have lived here and have been deeply marked by this place and its people. Over the next month (that's right, I said month) I will be saying thank you to this city, its ethos and the people that create it. It will probably read a lot like a Ryan Adams album. I do not post these thoughts for some kind of public diary but to invite you to reflect on who/what/where had influenced you and your life. Because after all, we don't learn from experience, we learn from reflecting on our experiences.
________

Taryn applied at two graduate schools. Columbia and the University of Washington. I had assumed that she would get into both and that we would have a decision to make.

Seeing as we lived in Seattle at the time (where I was going to graduate school), I thought perhaps we would stay. But I will never forget that day she received the acceptance letter. It was an overcast Friday afternoon (SHOCKER!) and I was in the middle of a conference. She called me screaming that she had gotten accepted. I screamed with her for a few and told her that we would continue our celebrating later that night with some champagne and a discussion about whether or not we would head to NY. That night, I got home, opened the bottle of champagne, and I asked, "so what are you thinking?" She replied, "well, I need you to transfer $400 into my checking account because I already sent Columbia my deposit."

I had no idea that I would be toasting our move to NY that night. I was shocked, but I was not upset at all. I agreed. We should go.

That night we finished off the bottle of champagne and began dreaming of a life in the midst of yellow cabs and world class restaurants. We had no idea what we were in for.

Just More Quotes?

2009-04-26T15:06:00.000-07:00

I apologize for the lack of original thought in this space lately. My thoughts have been muddled with all of the details of our upcoming transition. I hope to say more about that as well as reflecting on our time in NYC in the coming month.

That said, today Taryn and I spent five hours in the middle of central park. She did homework. I read some fiction and the NYT. Here is a quote that stuck with me:

“I still feel the same about guns and I know I’m right,...if I thought giving that sermon would be the end of guns in this society, I’d give it again in a second. But it won’t. That sermon was more about placating my need to be right than about preaching the Gospel. It does more to defeat my case than help it. I’m standing up on a pulpit, no one can say a thing for those 20 minutes, what I say goes. It’s the wrong kind of power. It undermines the love. You can tell people to do the right thing or you can do the loving thing and get the same result.”

- Rev Tim Ives in From a Pulpit, Peace Over Politics in today's NYT

Egger's on guessing (and our discrimination)

2009-04-24T06:34:00.000-07:00

"We've been in Morocco for two days, I think, and I just want to plant the idea in your head now: You know nothing until you're there. Nothing. Nothing nothing nothing. You know nothing of another person, nothing of another place. Nothing nothing nothing. With this knowledge-that you know nothing but what you see-things get more complicated. People want it easy, so they guess. And guessing is when the shi..."

My favorite moment from Dave Egger's You Shall Know Our Velocity

Walker on WOM (and evangelism?)

2009-04-14T15:35:00.000-07:00

"The key is people already talk about this stuff. They already talk about things they love. Manufactured word of mouth is indeed a bad and scary thing...but that's not what we are doing. For whatever reason, we have this natural instict to tell a friend about a product - and to get them to believe what you believe. All we're trying to do is put some form around it, so it can be measured and understood. That's not changing the social fabric."

- Dave Baltar, BzzAgent CEO from Rob Walker's Buying In: The Secret Dialogue Between What We Buy and Who We Are

Phil on Good Friday (and your story?)

2009-04-10T14:56:00.000-07:00

From the wise mind of Phil Nellis...

“But we are for the most part unaware of the sequence. We don’t really stop on Good Friday, most churches hurriedly tell that portion on Sunday morning, with the certainty of immanent resurrection. The rush to redemption, characteristic modern evangelical theology and the half-hour sitcom alike, is what flows out of a narrative that is dismissive of experiences of death and avoidant of experiences that hold the ambiguity of waiting. The implications of such a one-dimensional narrative of redemption has long reaching effects on the way we are as people, with each other, in this world. Not only does it turn Resurrection Sunday into a sacrine-like sweetness, but we begin to normalize the ideal and we diminish our capacity to meaningfully engage that which is less. When resurrection is a certain given, we exist in a false utopia that does violence to our experience and the realities of life in this world.”

May this be a reminder to all of us. Thank you Phil.

You Can't Think and Hit at the Same Time

2009-04-09T14:12:00.000-07:00

I knew it was the end of my baseball career. I blamed it on my teenage patela tendinitis (look it up, friends), but I knew I had to stop playing baseball long before that day at the doctor's office. I remember the day well.

I was an Astro. While I did not like MLB's Houston Astros, I did love being a Chandler Little League Astro. Our jerseys were powder blue and we had the old school Astro's logo with the orange star. It was a saweeeet little uniform.

Now before you get ahead of yourself, let me inform you that this was still Coach Pitch little league. That means, that my coach, Coach Hannenberg, was the pitcher while our team was hitting. Coach Hannenberg knew how to pitch to each player. He knew that the tall kids liked it low and outside, the his son liked it a little faster, and that I...well, I couldn't hit no matter where he threw it.

We were in the back end of a double header. Double headers were my favorite because it meant that I could take full advantage of the snack bar in between games (Red Ropes!!). So there I was, up to bat, the bottom of the 6th (the last inning), with the bases loaded. We were down by one and there was one out. I remember that the sun had just set and the lights flickered on. Coach Hannenberg held the ball up as if to say, "you are going to hit this one, ok? This ball. Hit it. Please. This one. Ready?" He threw the first one, I didn't swing. Strike one. The catcher threw it back to him, he waited, prompted me again with the "this game is called baseball, please swing at this pitch" motion, and delivered the second pitch. I didn't swing. Strike two.

What happened next still baffles me. Our third base coach began going through the signs. He was calling for a hit and run. It was if he was eating his own Red Rope and entirely missed the first two pitches. I clearly did not want to swing. And if I was going to swing, didn't he know that I would miss? And now I have the pressure of him putting on the hit and run. Was he trying to stay out of the double play? When was the last time that nine year olds turned a double play? What an idiot. Anyways...

Coach Hannenberg, who had already delivered two perfect strikes, looked at me and yelled, "what are you waiting for? I'm putting it down main street!" And he was. They were strikes. That is after all the point of having your own coach pitch to you. He set up. Gave me the same, "this white ball with red laces is for you to hit" posture, and then threw the pitch. Right down the middle. Strike three. And the runner at 3rd was out at home. Game over.

Why didn't I swing? I thought the pitch was a bit high. And who knows, maybe the catcher was going to drop it and everyone would have been safe.

This story came to mind this morning as I was thinking about other areas of my life. So many times I watch the strikes glide right through the strike zone. Many times I even know that its a strike that is coming, but I watch it go by thinking that a better pitch is coming or that I have a better strategy then simply swinging at the pitch that is in front of me. The analogy is probably a bit cheesy and overdone, but I believe it applies to much of our behavior during transitional times.

Yogi Berra, who is much more qualified to tell you how to hit than I, once said that "you can't think and hit at the same time." Each day we watch strike after strike go by. We over think decisions and miss opportunities for ourselves and with one another. When will we just start swinging?

I believe in a God that is throwing us strikes. When will we stop over thinking and act?

The House that Cody Ransom Built

2009-04-05T21:25:00.000-07:00

I had the privilege of attending the first ever game at Yankee Stadium II.

While it was just an exhibition game, it was very cool to be the first crowd through the gates of the 1.2 billion dollar baseball palace. Here are some thoughts:

1) The "Great Hall" as it is appropriately named is...great. Banners and screens filled with ex-players ranging from Reggie to Joe D. It really is the best entrance to a major league ball park.

2) The inside concourse of the stadium has the charm of a Starbucks bathroom. It has concrete and steel mixed with a periodic glowing concessions sign. It looks industrial and boring. There are no TVs. No audio. Nothing. It's like you are in baseball prison.

3) The food at Yankee Stadium is being greatly overshadowed by the line-up at CitiField. While I cannot speak to the quality of the CitiField Shack Shack yet, I can tell you that dog poop on an english muffin would be better than the garbage they are serving at Yankee Stadium. The hot dogs are tiny and steamed. The pretzels cold and dry. The burger without any toppings. The cheesesteak was fine but I did have to wait in line for 3 innings. In that same time frame, if I were at Wrigley Field I could have had two hot dogs, a slice of Connies, an old style, and resuscitated Woo Woo after he hyperventilated.

4) The site line are fine. Seats were comfy and spacious compared to the old park.

5) The jumbotron in center is insane. Its sick. Its legit. Its whatever the kids say these days. I have never seen anything look that good. My hunch would be that they spent over 400k on that thing. And so what if they did? It's like an HD airplane hanger.

In summary, it's fine. The stores are nice. The facilities cleaner. The entrance spectacular. But where did the 1.2 billion dollars go? No concourse TVs. No content filled displays. No timeline of Yankee lore. I am sure the Yankees will win many games in their new home but I will tell my children about the time I went to THE Yankee Stadium and not this overpriced imitation.

Godin on Marketing (and Church Planting?)

2009-04-02T21:28:00.000-07:00

"This, in two words, is the secret of the new marketing. Find ten people. Ten people who trust you/respect you/need you/listen to you...Those ten people need what you have to sell, or want it. And if they love it, you win. If they love it, they'll each find you ten more people (or a hundred or a thousand or, perhaps, just three). Repeat...The timing means that the idea of a 'launch' and press releases and the big unveiling is nuts. Instead, plan on the gradual build that turns into a tidal wave. Organize for it and spend money appropriately. The fact is, the curve of money spent (big hump, then it tails off) is precisely backwards to what you actually need...Three years from now, this advice will be so common as to be boring. Today, it's almost certainly the opposite of what you're doing."

- Seth Godin

The Hierarchy of Tweets

2009-04-01T05:49:00.000-07:00

Locatedness: An Update and a Conclusion?

2009-03-27T08:39:00.000-07:00

In just over two months Taryn and I will be without housing. As mentioned previously, after she graduates we lose our subsidized student housing and will be in need of a new home. That is much of what fueled the previous conversation about locatedness.

While the deadline is certainly real, the real blessing as of late has been the gift of patience. No one who knows Taryn or I would described us as patient people, but this process has demanded that we release our need for control. It has invited us to a process of trust, lots of dialogue, and a posture of listening. While we have heard again and again, "it doesn't matter where you live, things will be great" or "just make a decision and God will follow"...we are not sure that we believe that. That generally feels hallow and lazy. We believe that place is important. That there is weight to where you find yourself. And while it may not be natural to be able to pick your locatedness, we are at that crossroads. We have been (and continue to be) formed by this process and challenged by the work of "sign reading". We would love to share all of the details of this process with you if we get a chance.

That said, WE ARE MOVING TO CALIFORNIA!!

The city is still TBA, but we can say with confidence that we are going to join the 36 million others who live in the Golden State (do people really call it that?) There is a great deal of holy momentum in the direction of CA. And practically the sunshine, the proximity to family and friends, the culture of ideas, the camaraderie of dreamers, the food (Mozza!!), the diversity, the beach...it all sounds so good.

I imagine there will be unfolding words on this web space as we get closer to departure, but I wanted to put it out there now so that someone can finds us jobs! You think that's funny? Its not. Anyone want to hire us?

Thanks to all who have prayed for us, tossed us your opinion, and invited us to be formed in this decision making process. We have felt your support.

We are truly excited for this next chapter of life.

We Have Heard the Wild Ideas

2009-03-25T14:59:00.000-07:00

Today is the day that a few Christian traditions remember the angel Gabriel visiting an unsuspecting teenager in Nazareth (Luke 1).

I have heard Mary's perspective preached again and again. The lesson that although you have no idea what you are really in store for, we should respond to God's "call" with a "let it be done in accordance with your will".

But today I wonder about Gabriel. I wonder about God. I wonder if they sat, holding their breath, waiting for Mary to answer. Perhaps Mary took her time. Sat in stunned silence for a couple of hours. Then laid in bed staring at the ceiling. Perhaps to get her mind off the decision she baked a cake. Then she wanted to check the validity of Gabriel's angelic-ness so she asked him to do all kinds of angel tricks.

I don't know how long it took her to respond and what kind of consideration she gave it. But I imagine that Gabriel, along with the rest of heaven, was on the edge of their seat. Silently begging for the teenage virgin to agree to this wild idea.

I can't help but wonder if God is still waiting on me to answer. You to answer. Us to answer.

We have heard the wild ideas. What and when will we answer?

3 Years!

2009-03-24T21:42:00.000-07:00

Taryn and I just went to Otto, drank a bottle of wine (may the pictures be evidence), and for the third year in a row, watched our wedding DVD.

During the intro and vows we cannot help but cry.

Following the vows, we are often overwhelmed by all of our friends and family's faces. Memories from that day include:

Being announced as "Mr. and Mrs. Jarrod and Taryn Shappell"
Jordan's "greatest human ever speech"
Beth's infamous itch
Jari's hair twirling
Taryn's bouquet toss fake out
Shane's long hair
Jeff's prayer ending with a collective "right on"
Austin's dancing
Steven's drunken guarder celebration
Tim's kind words
Jamie's song?
The cheesecake nobody ate
Matt's "you have been my brother" line
Taryn's excessive eye-liner and Jarrod's 50 extra lbs
Grandma June's lifted bouquet
Baby Joe Joe
Oh...and puking 13 times before midnight. Ask us about that some time.

Thanks for all of you who were there. Thank you for those who sent us kind words today. We are thankful for the many relationships we have and want you to know that you have left a mark on us.

Spring + Death

2009-03-22T18:21:00.000-07:00

"When we so fear the dark that we demand light around the clock, there can be only one result: artificial light that is glaring and graceless and, beyond its borders, a darkness that grows even more terrifying as we try to hold it off. Split off from each other, neither darkness nor light is fit for human habitation, But if we allow the paradox of darkness and light to be, the two will conspire to bring wholeness and health every living thing." - Parker Palmer

The USATODAY recently highlighted an AMA study that found that patients with religious commitments were "three times more likely than others to receive intensive, invasive medical procedures, even down to their last week of life." The article continues pointing out that many of these religiously faithful are hanging on to the stories of biblical miracles believing that their death is avoidable and that its an opportunity for God's power to be seen. While I do not disregard the "power of positive thinking" or the unexplainable medical miracles that happen daily, we must know that such cases are rare.

Most often prolonged death and medical heroics lead to intensified suffering. The researcher concludes by saying, "Needlessly prolonging dying isn't a positive thing. I would think someone with a mature faith would be more at peace, more able to accept death."

That hits the nail on the head doesn't it? Why is that Christians (forgive me for changing the language from religious to Christians. It may be true of all faiths or religions but I can only speak to my experience) are so afraid of death?

Does this make any sense to you? Why would Christians, be more fearful of death than those without a faith?

To me, it runs counter to the life and message of Jesus. The life of Jesus shows us that death is the only way that we can know life. That in order to know joy we must know sorrow. That for there to be resurrection there must be burial. So why run from death?

While this study is certainly speaking about physical death, I do not believe it is a leap to say that this is true of other "deaths". Be it spiritual, relational, intrapersonal, ideological, etc. We hang onto dreams that need to die. We wish that our relationships could look like they once were. We hold onto theologies and political positions that no longer make sense. We ignore our life's tragedies and intend on living life like they never happened.

There is death in your life. Or perhaps better stated, there is death in your life that you need to acknowledge. If you don't think so, you are lying to yourself, and you are tired from all of the life saving heroics.

You might be wondering why Jarrod woke up so cranky. But I do not see this as dark and depressing, but life giving. Chances are that we have are so exhausted from avoiding death that to name them, to mourn them, will have a profound impact for our future. In order to receive hope for the future we must name our deaths.

Spring is here, and the blooming of Spring is only found after the death of winter.

The time has come for things to bloom. For new relationships. New dreams. New intuitions that turn into realities. New levels of intimacy and community. New careers. New adventures. New beginnings. Do you believe it? If so, allow for the reality of winter, or death, to be the fuel for this newness.

"Unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains but a single grain; but if it dies it yields a rich harvest." - Jesus

Heaven Without Bacon?

2009-03-22T18:20:00.000-07:00

If heaven is without bacon...well I am not sure I want to go to there.

John Mayer on Fashion (and friendship?)

2009-03-11T15:08:00.000-07:00

"Can I give you John Mayer’s fashion tips? Will you make a blog about this? Ready? . . . Number one, in no particular order: Basics are the hardest to find. The word basic always gives the impression that it’s the easiest to find. Basics are incredibly hard to find. When you find a white T-shirt, a hoodie, a pair of jeans. When you find a basic you love, buy four of them. Because you need to create a basic private stock. Because basics come and go very quickly and next season you can be sure they will change. And it will never be the same."

- John Mayer

Let Me in the Sound

2009-03-11T06:54:00.001-07:00

My iTunes play count reads 17. That is how many times I have listened to No Line On the Horizon, U2's most recent release.

I actually had the pleasure of seeing U2 last Tuesday on the day of the album's release. They did a few promotional moments (including this image above) and wrapped up the afternoon with a performance on The Late Show that Taryn and I attended. While I have seen U2 a number of times previously, it was fun to see them in such a small venue while playing material that I had only heard earlier that morning.

I could do a track by track review of this album or say more about my borderline obsession with Bono, but that has been done. Rather, I wish to highlight the creativity of this album. Daniel Lanois, whom U2 has been working with for decades, describes the work of this album to be creating "future hymns and spirituals". Lanois also mentioned that while the band intended to work with Rick Rubin (producer with a closet full of Grammys), the band decided against it because they did not want to settle for "meat and potatoes" but rather wanted to make "soul music".

This album is not an easy listen. It's not for the casual U2 fan. Which is why I love it. What band, 30 years into their existence, with a struggling music industry and a plummiting economy, would take an artistic risk in the name of "soul music"? Very few.

Songs like "Magnificent" and "Breathe" will remind you of their greatest hits while "No Line on the Horizon" has clear undertones of "Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me". There are a few songs that will need to grow on you. As a friend of mine put it, "it's like they got too creative at points."

Too creative? Really? Sorry buddy, but not every CD can be Joshua Tree. Nor should it.

Do yourself a favor and go pick up the album if you haven't already. And make sure that you buy tickets to the upcoming stadium tour (what in the world are they going to do with that giant spider?). If they are playing in your city, you should buy me a ticket and I'll come for a visit. I guarantee it.

Jazz + Sincerity + Fear

2009-03-08T13:44:00.000-07:00

"I think we're back to the time of Liszt and Chopin. The iPod has taken away the whole platinum record sales prospect. Sincerity and specificity are going to be the hot commodities in music. Everybody can have anything that they want, so now it gets into what specifically you have to give." - Eric Lewis

Jazz and life. Waaaaay too much in common.

I would propose that what Lewis says here has tremendous implications for the way we live our lives.

If we take Lewis seriously, maybe we should stop trying to get the record deal. Maybe a large church shouldn't be the goal. Perhaps a larger client base should not be our fixation. Am I suggesting we surrender our goals? Nope. I am suggesting what Eric Lewis describes. Sincerity and specificity are the hot commodities. The world does not need someone who tries harder to save it. It needs you to be you. It needs me to be me. What I am saying, and I believe Lewis is underscoring, is that our impact is often clouded by our effort.

I'll admit it. I am a results centered man. I imagine myself as the volunteer coach of my daughter's soccer team, pulling the goalie when we are down by a score. I was the pastor counting the number of empty seats. I compulsively check the Cubs score. I can very easily become obsessed with outcomes. But what good is this outcome obsession? Being obsessed with outcomes can limit my ability to do what I have been created to do. When focused on the results, I am generally living for the approval for others. I am playing to just beat the other guy. I am doing business to make a pretty penny. All of this misguided effort can get in the way of doing what feels most true, or as Lewis says, sincere.

So what stops us from being sincere? What stops us from exposing our authentic self? Fear.

And I believe these moments of fear are alarms that let us know when we are closest to what is true for us.

If this jarrod-ism is indeed true then our heightened levels of fear point to the exact moments, relationships, and risks that we must engage. In a sense we have to embrace the fear and move past it. Turn our insecurity into a strength. Learn as we go. Adapt. Release the need for perfection. Stop worrying about the approval of others. Only then can we exchange our fear for curiosity and generosity. Only when we name fear as a sign of hope, moving outside the limitations of our outcome centered worries, will we be able to take the risks required to change the world. Only then will we know the song, job, marriage, city, or relationship that is true to our souls.

"When the forms of an old culture are dying, the new culture is created by a few people who are not afraid to be insecure.” German activist Rudolf Bahro

25 + Thank You

2009-02-28T16:45:00.000-08:00

My birthday was on Friday. I'm a 25 year old person.

For one of my birthday gifts my wife collected words and stories from many of my friends (I assume that means most of YOU). She put them together artistically (well as much as Taryn's craftiness would allow) on the board pictured above.

I have said it again and again. For me it always seems easier to give love than to receive it. Harder to sit and listen to the complements of others than to give them. Needless to say that your words were met with laughter, tears, and appreciation. Thank you to all of you who wrote.

And to those who didn't write? I assume the birthday check is in the mail.

Preparation: Oooo Look at Those Tiny Little Burgers

2009-02-25T06:06:00.000-08:00

There is a high-end burger movement that has taken over NYC. Being the wanna-be foodie (and burger bash judge) that I am, Taryn and I have made it a priority to eat a wide variety of America's favorite sandwich. There are many factors that make these burgers unique and worth their $10+ price tags. The butcher is important. The age of the meat. The fat content. What cut of meat is involved in the mix. The seasoning (or lack their of). Aaaaand the preparation of the meat.

Whether you are sitting down at Little Owl or ordering from the counter at City Burger, you will always be asked, "How would you like your burger prepared?" Preparation is key for the texture and, of course, the flavor.

I don't really have a cute transition. I just wanted to talk about burgers and point out that preparation is important. Does that work as a transition? I continue...

We often over estimate our personal preparedness. Additionally, we often think that we know what it is we need to prepare for and how we should participate in preparation.

There is no better example of this in my own life than my short attempt at a career path. I graduated high school and all I knew was that I wanted to be a stock broker. So after some unforeseen circumstances I ended up at ASU as a Business/Finance major. After somehow squeaking out a B in Economics and Finance I decided to move on to management. Because it wasn't that I actually wanted to be in finance, I just wanted to be everyone's boss. For that, I thought the management degree would prepare me. While going to ASU to learn how to be everyone's boss, I was working at a church. After falling in love with my work, I decided that I needed to prepare to be a pastor. So I went to Mars Hill Graduate School for my MDiv (or what I thought I needed to prepare for a vocational position in the church). After a few conversations with some friends we decided we would someday start a church in San Francisco. After this conversation I decided that I no longer needed to prepare to be a pastor through the MDiv, but through the shorter MA degree. And now all of those plans are up in the air. Who knew that all of this was actually just preparing me to be an Office Manager at a New York City doctor's office?

I am not suggesting that my previous experiences have not prepared me for whatever may be ahead for Taryn and I. However, the preparation I believed I needed was not the preparation that has been most helpful.

True preparation does not come in the ways we imagine it. Preparation is often difficult. Its the tireless process of making friends. Its the hard work of therapy. Its working through conflict with a spouse. Its creating new coping mechanisms and feeling the absence of security provided by the previous bad habits. It's unintended risks. It's often chaos and rarely planned or forecasted. We don't choose these things. Nor do we always know what they are preparing us for. Sometimes we fight these preparatory forces. Other times we submit to them. Only then, when we submit, are we transformed and prepared for what needs preparation.

Preparation takes humility. Thus, self-righteousness is the enemy of preparation.

And here lies the tension. We want to be intentional about preparation. We want to prepare for marriage, for a career, and ultimately for all of our future. But when our desire for preparedness turns into self-righteousness, when we think we know the who, what, and where of our destiny, we lack the humility to allow God to prepare us for his future.

So how do you want YOUR burger? (did you like that tie-in? Smoooooth, right?)

Palahniuk on Identity (and Your Tweets?)

2009-02-23T09:32:00.000-08:00

"Your handwriting. The way you walk. Which china pattern you choose. It's all giving you away. Everything you do shows your hand. Everything is a self-portrait. Everything is a diary."

- Chuck Palahniuk

Locatedness: Career

2009-02-18T08:33:00.000-08:00

I had a little office job in high school. It was cake. I had a great internship with the Phoenix Suns. That was a blast. And my first real job? Welp, I got to play music and hang out with my friends. It certainly was not that basic, but my first job as a music programmer, designer, speaker guy, concert promoter, event planner, pastor, and wiffle ball genius was right up my alley. My first job was a great mix of passion, interest, talent and the community's needs.

After leaving that position I went to graduate school in Seattle. During this season of life I did some periodic public speaking, some writing, and a great deal of nothing. Now in NYC, I am an office manager at a doctor's office and a marketing consultant for my former graduate school.

My very short time in the world of work has been a mixed bag.

I have written about my present struggle with vocation previously and continue to have a great deal of questions about its place in my life. I have been deeply influenced by Parker Palmer and his "Let Your Life Speak" position on vocation. In short he says, "Before you tell your life what you intend to do with it, listen for what it intends to do with you. Before you tell your life what truths and values you have decided to live up to, let your life tell you what truths you embody, what values you represent." What does that mean to me currently? It means listening to my body's (you can throw in mind and soul as well) response to my previous work experiences. It means resisting our culture's tendency to will ourselves to vocational greatness regardless of failed relationships and disregarded morals. It means patience. It means experimenting, failure, and bumps and bruises. It means allowing myself to be surprised at what I enjoy and where I am enjoyed. It means watching, waiting, and listening.

But to make this relevant to the place-ology discussion, career is a VERY relevant part of our thinking and listening. There are pockets of the country that would love my resume. There are friends that could land me a job back home. Taryn knows people in Chicago. We have connections in Seattle. We could have stable jobs at smaller organizations. We could have bottom wiping positions in world changing organizations. Options galore.

Honestly, neither Taryn or I have clear career ladders. We are young, master's degree having, career beginners. Applying the pressure to have it mapped out would be silly. We still have lots of experimenting to do. Industries to try. Who knows, maybe even degrees to get (Taryn is shaking her head "no").

So as we consider where we will move next we are looking for the city that will allow us to experiment. And paradoxically it needs to be a place that allows us to listen to our internal responses as we experience the newness.

Oh boy.

Just another (and last) thing to consider.

Locatedness: Family

2009-02-17T06:08:00.000-08:00

The industrial age was the tipping point for the decline of traditional communities. The movement from rural, family centered towns to urban settings centered around career would chance the definition of family forever. For thousands of years lives were centered around a Victorian ideal of family. You had a mother, a father (who was the provider), and as many children as the home could hold. In most cases you lived next to grandparents and within miles of aunts and uncles.

Again, nothing wrong with this idea of family. However, I believe the 20th century took this noun-form of family and blew it to pieces. The idea of a static, uniform family as described above is rare. Less than 17% of homes today have a mother, father, and two or more children. Today "family" is much more liquid and difficult to define.

Over my 24 years of life, my home has included 3 moms, 3 dads, and 7 brothers and sisters. This is without acknowledging the many years with roommates who may have served as brothers. Family looks different for me as I believe it does for many of you.

And in reference to our place-ology theme, there is clearly a connection between place and the desire for family. Walter Brueggemann says, "The yearning to belong somewhere, to have a home, to be in a safe place, is a deep and moving pursuit...It is experienced by people from all sectors of society and even those who appear to be well rooted and have belonging can experience profound dislocation." Even those with family roots can experience profound dislocation. This highlights that the Victorian model of family is not the 21st century definition of family. That even in rootedness we can feel without community.

It may not be real helpful for me to continue to talk about what family isn't. Rather, I would like to say that Taryn and I wish to explore what family is in our next move.

Taryn and I are thankful for our family, extended and nuclear. Yet we have experienced a sense of family with tens of friends who now live all over our country. So as we consider where we will go, we ask: where do we belong? Who are our people? Who do we want to be our everyday family?

Just another thing to consider.

Locatedness: A vow?

2009-02-15T20:26:00.000-08:00

Each year 14% of the population moves (almost 20 million in 2007). A generous understanding of that statistic suggests that a whole neighborhood turns over every 7 years. Our cities and neighborhoods are constantly recycling residents.

There is a faith-community in San Francisco that has actually made a written vow to their city. I was told that the founders of REIMAGINE made a 15 year vow to their neighborhood. A vow to their locatedness. A vow to the restaurants, the coffee shop, the dry cleaner...you get the picture. They refuse to be a part of the resident recycling.

I am not sure that I am ready to make a commitment like that. But isn't that the point? Isn't a vow more of a discipline than a well-calculated decision? Right, married men?!

I kid, I kid.

But not really. Marriage is a great example. I do not know who Taryn will be 25 years from now. I am not certain that her hair will still be as curly or that her ears so cute and tiny. But I have committed. I have made a vow to her. Forever.

So what does this look like when considering our place-ology? Who are you making the vow to? The people? The place? The city? The state? The neighborhood?

Again, I do not feel comfortable making a vow to any city at this time. But perhaps we should. After all, I believe place matters for community. True community can only be cultivated and grown with a dedication to a place. Commitment and time are essential if we desire growth in community. Yes I know we live in a video chat world. Yes I know I can hop on a plane and be eating dinner with my friends in LA in less than 6 hours. Yet, our souls are often hard and littered with distrust. Sure there are times that we are open to intimacy with others immediately. We call this love at first site. But more often than not there is long drawn out drama because relationship takes time.

A vow to a city may seem odd. But it is with such a vow that the drama subsides and we experience relationships with people, cultures, and communities that we did not know were possible. Look no further than the vow of marriage. While my sample size is small, my nearly three year commitment to Taryn has yielded intimacy that I never could have imagined. Without the time and commitment (marked by our marriage vows), I am certain our relationship would be different.

So why not make a vow to a city?

Just another thing to consider.

Locatedness: The Earth

2009-02-15T19:57:00.000-08:00

Uh oh. Jarrod's getting hippy on us.

What can I say, I have been washing out my milk cartons and composting food for almost three years now. Seattle changed me. In fact, as I write this I am eating off a bamboo plate with a pair of stainless steel chopstix. Not really.

Clearly where we live has implications for our relationship with the earth. While I wish I could give you a calculated maximum carbon footprint for the Shappell household, we don't take it quite that seriously. You won't find us protesting the big five oil companies or reading Hot, Flat, and Crowded but we do have some preferences.

Taryn and I love walking and taking public transit. We love eco-minded cultures and their commitment to the earth and natural beauty. We'd love one car. We hate waste. Especially Taryn. That girl won't throw away anything. We value recycling. We even bring our own grocery bags, people.

Perhaps we can live this lifestyle in any city, but I imagine it is more difficult to walk around LA than it is Chicago. Ya know?

Just another thing to consider.

Locatedness: A Theology for Place-ology

2009-02-13T05:57:00.000-08:00

Where you live has a great deal to say about what you believe about God.

It is quite trendy to play the theological trump card on urban living. So trendy that I even wrote an article about it! Authors and speakers I respect a great deal say that Christians who plan on influencing (or making) culture must be prepared to move to an already influential city with world wide influence like New York, Washington, or Los Angeles. Basically, get yourself to the coasts or waste away in middle America. I am exaggerating, but at times this is how the message comes across. I cannot deny that I am allured by the idea of global power and influential communities loving their neighbor so that that love may be multiplied. I think that's great. There is no better place to broadcast the stories of God moving. BUT are we so sure of ourselves that WE must go to the coasts to broadcast God to the world? Is he not capable of this without all of us? Are there not fantastic rural communities in need of the rewriting of their stories? I am not forfeiting the importance of living in global urban centers, rather hoping to bring a little balance to the argument. The urban high horse is getting old.

Now to the suburbs. The suburban dream is the manifestation of a generational longing for a life of safety removed from others. This longing shows the immense amount of control desired by those in the post-WWII generation. By no means is this conversation an attempt to demonize suburbia, I am simply noting the cause for the flight from urban centers. In a time of chaos and war, the American community was seeking safety, security and refuge. So theologically, we see the inherent desire for safety. A desire for a God that protects. Again, not a bad thing...especially when starting a family.

There are ENDLESS theological implications for where we live. Too many to recap here in this little series. There are simply two that I find myself reflecting on. Others?

Just another thing to consider.

Locatedness: Food

2009-02-11T18:41:00.000-08:00

In Phoenix it's Oreganos. Duh. A big rig pasta with extra sauce and extra cheese.

In Seattle it's a mocha from Uptown Espresso and a strawberry filled biscuit from Macrina.

In New York it's a plate of copa and a Parmesan soufflé from Otto.

In Los Angeles it's a double-double with a neapolitan milk shake.

In Chicago it's gotta be Giordano's deep dish pizza.

Taryn and I love food. Food matters to us. Would we decide where we should live based on food alone? Probably not. But have you ever eaten at Crow? Had the carne asada nachos at Amado's? Had a pizza at Co.? What about the world's best cookie from Lavain? See. If you haven't had it, you can't judge us when we pack our bags in the name of cuisine.

Of course, I could always just cook at home.

Just another thing to consider.

Locatedness: Loving Your Neighbor

2009-02-10T20:19:00.000-08:00

Where you live has tremendous implications for how you love your neighbor.

I believe that where we live plays a significant role in how we engage issues of love and justice.

For example, today in suburban America, if you were to attend a local church or read a community newspaper you would find that priority numero uno is the family. The neighborhood that I grew up in was this way. Our church would do seri (the plural of series, obviously) on parenting, marriages, and the like. The events revolved around the two high schools. Every restaurant could seat groups of 18. In fact, many families would move into our area so that they could be apart of this family centered community. I am quite thankful for my years in Ahwatukee and would not trade them. My life is better because of the Ahwatukee Foothills Newspaper, banquets at Oscar's, and Mountain Park Community Church.

As addressed above, the suburban culture revolves around the family and upholding its values. Its culture fuels and is fueled by the family's participation. In these environments loving your neighbor looks like yard work for a single mother, promoting abstinence, baby sitting clubs, and dinner dates with your friend's whose marriage is in turmoil. These acts of kindness are fantastic charity.

Suburban environments generally focus on charity. They feed the hungry, clothe the cold, and care for the widow. However, loving your neighbor takes a different form in urban environments. What's the difference?

Ronald Rolheiser discusses this when he says, "Private charity responds to the homeless, wounded, and dead bodies, but it does not of itself try to get at the reasons why they are there...what lies at the root of each of these is not so much someones private sin or some individuals private inadequacy but rather a huge, blind system that is inherently unfair...Social justice is about acknowledging and engaging these systems."

In an urban environment you are more likely to participate in love through social justice. The presence of diversity, intense poverty, sex, and drugs are loud. You cannot turn from them. You are confronted with the systemic injustices of our many institutions as you exit the subway each morning.

It is in the city, New York specifically, that I have better identified my own privilege. Each day at work I witness racism. Each day on the subway I witness alcoholism. Each day I hear stories of children without adequate education. Each day I encounter (and participate in) systems that perpetuate these behaviors. After seeing such systems, I am compelled to participate in restoring them. I do not believe that I would know the magnitude of my privilege (I use this word with gratitude but more so with the weight of responsibility) without my time here. So then because of personal experience, I believe urban environments encourage social justice as opposed to charity.

I am not saying that one cannot attend to issues of social justice in a suburban setting. Nor am I saying that charity does not happen in urban settings. Using the suburban/urban binary may not be that helpful. I simply do so that I may illustrate the inherent differences that are found in our locatedness.

In New York loving your neighbor means participating in groups that would get the economic bailout passed or providing copay for those who are unable to take their children to the doctor. While in Chicago it looks like picketing for the equal wages of factory workers. Perhaps in Laveen, Arizona it looks like painting a friend's house or babysitting for young couples.

Of course none of these are better than another. But perhaps it is worth considering where we find our heart drawn. Is there a social injustice that would be easier to engage in Washington DC than in Denver? Do my skills position me to bring about justice through artistic presentations or legislation? Is there a charity that I enjoy participating in that is demographically present in Phoenix but not in Atlanta?

Just one of the things we are kicking around as we consider our locatedness.

Locatedness: A Decision

2009-02-09T09:29:00.000-08:00

Taryn and I have lived in Manhattan for almost 7 months. It has been a glorious 7 months, but believe it or not Taryn’s program ends in 3 months and we will be kicked out of student housing and onto the streets of Manhattan.

Thus, we have a decision to make. Will we stay in NY? Move closer to home? Move for jobs? All of these questions are unanswered at this time and the weight of this decision sits heavy on our hearts.

Let me also say that we know what a privilege it is to have a choice. We truly feel blessed to have the education level, the support, the health, and the many other things that allow us to have a choice. Choice is often a privilege, and we do not take it lightly.

All of that said, Taryn and I are in agreement that it is imperative to have a place-ology. In today’s mobile, transient, globalized culture it is important that we are intentional about where we live, why we live there, and how we will live once there.

So for the next week or more I will be posting some of the issues we are currently wrestling with. You may disagree with what I say, find them insignificant, or think we should just stop moving and commit to something. Either way, I would love for you to engage the issues of locatedness with us. Many of you are considering what is next, when you should start a family, if you should move back home, etc. I hope that by me sharing our process you can find a part of your own evolving place-ology.

Honestly, this is a part of our prayer.

Kanye West on Himself (and a Positive Work Ethic?)

2009-02-05T06:54:00.000-08:00

"There were people who had the potential to [be the voice of this generation], but they went on vacation. So when Justin Timberlake went on vacation, I made albums."

- Kanye West

My Championship Quota: Why I am Mad at Michael Jordan

2009-02-02T14:51:00.000-08:00

Over the course of my life I have been a fan of six professional sports teams.

The Chicago Cubs and Arizona Diamondbacks in baseball.
The Phoenix Suns and Chicago Bulls in basketball.
The Chicago Bears and Arizona Cardinals in football.

Over the course of my twenty-four year life these six teams have combined to win eight championships. I witnessed the 1985 Bears (I almost don't count this one because I was hardly walking), the 2001 Diamondbacks (I went to two of those WS games), and of course Michael Jordan's six championships with the Chicago Bulls. But while those three teams have amassed eight championships, the other three teams (Suns, Cardinals, and Cubs) have no championships. In fact they have ZERO in the last 60 years.

That huge disparity has inspired me to do a little math. Before I begin the math, let me confess that I now only cheer for three of those six teams: the Cubs, Suns, and Bears. I don't live in AZ and don't dig the color change of the Diamondbacks, never really supported the Cardinals other than as a home town wintery distraction, and my love for the Bulls ended with Scottie Pippen's career (Matt will tell you that I was just a front runner). So now on to my AP level word problem...

If each sports fan cheers for one team in each sport, and the average league has 30 teams, then each year the odds of your team winning a championship is 1/30. If you add that up in the big three sports (sorry hockey) then you have a 1 in 10 chance of one of your teams winning a championship each year. If this stat holds true then I have already witnessed the same amount of championships that the average sports fan should experience in 80 years of life. If we continue along that line of thought, that means I will not see another one of my teams win until I am 81, or 2066. At that point the Cubs will have been without a championship for 157 years.

All of that to say that it is my fault the Cardinals lost. I have met my championship quota.

Michael Jordan, Walter Payton, and Luis Gonzalez's little blooper have filled my championship bucket full and I will not see another winner until I am wearing adult diapers.

Ted

2009-01-31T13:48:00.000-08:00

“I now know more about hatred than I’ve ever dreamed. And I know it doesn’t help. And I know about judgment, and I know it doesn’t help...We are in a world that’s short on love and high on hatred and judgment, and I’ve gotten it from every side. I get it from the religious side as well as the secular side, and I just think we can all improve.”
- Ted Haggard

When the Ted Haggard scandal became public knowledge in November of 2006, I was At Mars Hill Graduate School. The response among my peers was mixed.

While the stock evangelical response was to send him away for his sinful habits, my response was more subdued. I was fascinated by his hypocrisy. One of the things he spoke so strongly against, was the thing that was central to his internal battle.

I imagine that is true for many of us.

Since that time I have not thought much about Ted.

Over the last week Ted and his wife Gayle have been on an interview blitz. Oprah. CNN. The Early Show. The man was all over. I didn't want to watch these interviews and honestly find the Evangelical obsession with homosexuality quite tired. However, I watched almost all of them and the HBO special he was promoting, and to my surprise I have not thought much of his sexuality or his hypocrisy.

Rather I have appreciated his honesty.

He comes to these interviews not as a "whole" man having successfully undergone "sexual restoration". He comes with a tone of humility. He doesn't have it figured out (although some would say that his theology claims he has it figured out). He is still struggling. He is lonely. He is broke. He is searching through scripture. Searching through his story. Searching for people to accept him. Searching to put his shattered world back together.

I know that the documentary intentionally painted him as a sympathetic character and I am not saying that he is blameless or that his actions should be admired. Rather, I am noting the courage of this man (and his wife!). Especially in the face of a movement that promotes isolation and secret keeping with the strong arm of fundamentalism.

While he does seem to have a perma-smile, his pain is evident. It is pain that is deep rooted and mysterious. And that's what he shares. He doesn't share a testimony with a bow on top. He doesn't need things to be clean or theologically in order. He speaks of his struggle powerfully.

I hope that we can all find that same courage.

The media and the Christian community can continue to pick his situation apart. We can talk about what would be "healthy" psychologically or spiritually. We can say that their actions are an attempt to raise funds or garner a reality TV show. But if you've got a few minutes I think we could all learn a thing or two from Ted's public struggle.

"We were more judgmental than we are now, and people were hurt by us. And I know that a lot of people deserve a very sincere apology from our family because we are all the way we are for a reason.”
- Ted's daughter Christy

R.M.R on Maturity (and high school girl's basketball?)

2009-01-28T08:31:00.000-08:00

What we choose to fight is so tiny!
What fights with us is so great.
If only we would let ourselves be dominated
as things do by some immense storm,
we would become strong too, and not need names.

When we win it's with small things
and the triumph itself makes us small.
What is extraordinary and eternal
does not want to be bent by us

This is how one grows: by being defeated, decisively,
by constantly greater beings.

- Rainer Maria Rilke

And just so you know what I am referring to, last week a Dallas high school basketball team won a game by the score of 100-0.

A morning reminder

2009-01-27T09:24:00.000-08:00

I got a little note from a Seattlite this morning. At the end of his words these familiar words were written...

I knew before that God gave life to men and desires that they should live; now I understood more than that. I understood that God does not wish men to live apart, and therefore he does not reveal to them what each one needs for himself; but he wishes them to live united, and therefore reveals to each of them what is necessary for all to live together. I have now understood that though it seems to men that they live by care for themselves, in truth it is love alone by which they live. He who has love, is in God, and God is in him, for God is love.
- Tolstoy

The rhythm of these words have marked my life. After reading them, I was immediately taken back to the large class room on the 3rd floor of MHGS. My life is much different now then it was the first time I heard those words, yet the call is no different. Life with God is a life with others.

Thanks for the reminder.

T.J. Maxx, RDFL, etc.

2009-01-25T13:49:00.000-08:00

If you don't read The Onion, you should.

This article, and this line specifically, makes me wizz in my pants.

"...the canvas bins heaped with broken stemware in aisle six may be a sign that T.J. Maxx is on the verge of complete bankruptcy. Either that, or it's doing perfectly fine. It's impossible to say which."

Everyone could use a recession proof laugh. Read the whole thing here.

"Why knowing your own story keeps you from ripping off everyone else's"

2009-01-24T09:48:00.000-08:00

Blaine and I recently wrote an article for Collide Magazine. I just received it in the mail and its quite perrty. Writing with a co-author was an interesting experience but I believe it strengthened the content and my writing process.

The article is entitled "Why knowing your own story keeps you from ripping off everyone else's". In it we discuss what we believe to be the center of our creative capacities, our God given stories. We also talk about fellow MHGSer Jen Grabarczyk who truly embodies the artist as theologian proposal we make in the article.

The article is not online yet and is only in this month's print version of Collide. However, I would love for you to read the article because I would love to have your feedback. So, drop me an e-mail and I will send you a copy of the article. As you read it keep in mind the context of the article (the target audience is the evangelical church arts crew, etc), but any and all dialogue is welcomed. Do you agree? Do you love it? Think its all fluff? Still have no idea what we are talking about? Theoligical critique? Let us know.

The world has changed...

2009-01-20T18:54:00.000-08:00

"To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it."

- The 44th President of The United States of America

Peanuuuuut. Peanut Butter. And Choices.

2009-01-19T19:21:00.000-08:00

Manhattan is filled with little boutique-y everything. Custom jeans, home-made stationary, basement curred meats, and even designer shoe laces can all be found in quaint Greenwich Village boutiques. But I never would have guessed that our boutique obsession would be peanut butter. Taryn and I currently have four different kinds of peanut butter in our cupboard.

Each morning when Taryn wakes me up to make her breakfast (that's right wives...I make her breakfast every morning) I get to choose what I want smeared on my slice of whole wheat bread. Do I want something a little sweeter? Chunky? Cinnamon and raisin? Chocolate even? Its quite a joy to have a choice in peanut butter. No longer must I settle for the staleness of a Fat Free Jiffy or the artificial taste of Peter Pan. No no no. I have found a peanut butter boutique that grants me a great deal of possibilities. For this, I am eternally grateful to you Peanut Butter & CO.

And yet I rarely express gratitude for my non-peanuty choices. It's quite the opposite actually. I snarl and complain when I have a plethora of choices.

Really, its like a multiple choice exam. Remember when your multiple choice exam would hit your desk. The first thing you did was look to see how many choices were on each question. Sigh. Only four choices. No biggie. But then you turn the page and discover that there are now 6 choices per question? You immediately begin to panic. More choices?! Does the scantron even have room for 6 choices!!? Is Mr. Crawford insane?!

Life for me is not much different. I dread multiple choices. I dread that the freedom to chose requires something of me. I would much rather an outside source, a boss, or economic conditions determine my fate.

I don't mean that. But I do.

Is this not the tension of freedom? Be it "freedom in Christ", the freedom granted by our democracy, or the freedom to chose your peanut butter (a laughable comparison, I know)...a choice is a blessing...and it is also a burden. It is something to be grateful for, a privilege to acknowledge. But it also requires a great deal of us.

Today we celebrate a man who called our country to freedom. But he spoke not just of freedom for African Americans, he demanded African American responsibility. He taught that with freedom comes the ability to choose and with the privilege of choice comes the hard work of choosing well. While freedom is a blessing, it requires that we work to choose what is good, beautiful, and true.

I find this work exhausting. Unless its peanut butter.

But I will not forfeit my freedom for the alternative. Rather, when confronted with my freedoms, I hope to choose gratitude and wisdom over escapism and easy answers.

Dualities

2009-01-12T19:38:00.000-08:00

Here is Bono speaking to the beauty of Frank Sinatra. He is speaking specifically to Frank's separate renditions of "My Way". He says, "I was lucky to duet with a man who understood duality, who had the talent to hear two opposing ideas in a single song, and the wisdom to know which side to reveal at which moment."

Strength and tenderness. Forgiveness and justice. Light and dark. Life and death.

We are called to live into these dualities. May we all strive to know which side to reveal at which moment...or better yet, how to hold both.

Proof of God's Providence

2009-01-12T10:06:00.000-08:00

Chipotle iPhone App. Next? Churros and breakfast burritos. Please.

Slip 'n Slide

2009-01-11T08:15:00.000-08:00

If Taryn had a blog she would post this (She told me to say that).

Fear in the Workplace

2009-01-10T08:30:00.000-08:00

I have a very cliche work environment. Not universally cliche, but definitely a NYC cliche. The doctor's office that I "manage" has three Jewish doctors and a Dominican receptionist. Just as you would imagine it. There are children's crayon scribbles on the walls, Yiddish spilling through the hallways, and frequent visits to YBF.com (young, black and fabulous) by the receptionist. Its surreal.

That said, I really enjoy the people that I work with and have had the privilege to get to know them. Specifically, because of the proximity of our desks, the receptionist and I have learned a great deal about each other. She is a first generation American from the DR who has a great deal of pressure to be the first to go to college and get a good job, all while supporting her mother who lives in Brooklyn. I won't say much more of her story but one of the things that struck me was the immense amount of fear and anxiety she carries with her.

From the first day that I was hired she was telling me why she would eventually be fired. With each miss step or wrong keystroke she fears being "caught" and losing her much needed 45 hours of work. While much of it is cultural and the result of being told by her mother to "trust few", many workers are creating similar layoff narratives as fear becomes the currency of our workplaces.

The NYT (do I ever quote anything else?) has a fascinating discussion about the presence of fear in the workplace today. They discuss the impact of fear and anxiety on employees and specifically discuss Generation Green Ribbon as I will call us (the article says, "they were part of an overpraised generation raised when every child got a trophy for showing up"). Throughout the comments to the article you can read tragic stories of young New Yorkers struggling to find meaningful work and in some cases they not finding work at all.

This anxiety is present in my life as Taryn and I consider what is next for us. I do not write these things as a therapeutic mechanism, but to speak to the reality of professional anxiety that my friends and I are experiencing. While it is not irregular to be 25 and without a career map, I (and many others) have come to a place where I am ready for my potential to turn to potency. This desire is then held in tension with a nation wide fear of employers and a job market that does not appear ready to reward our hard work (or masters degrees).

As I write this my heart rate increases and all of the questions begin to rattle around in my little bald head. Then I stop, take a breath, and am reminded of the most used command throughout scripture, "do not be afraid". Easier said than done. But I will try.

I Make the Kissing Rules

2009-01-09T18:49:00.000-08:00

An interesting thought for your weekend: Who makes the kissing rules?

This morning I received a phone call from President Elect Barack Obama.

Which was ironic because I was wearing my Obama t-shirt while drinking from my HOPE mug.

Anyways, he has placed me on his cabinet as the Attorney of Public Affection and Greetings. I am honored by his nomination. For my first motion as APAG, effective immediately, when greeting anyone who have dinned with on more than one occasion, you must kiss on the mouth.

Any suggestions or amendments to my first bill as APAG?

Cynicism and the Future

2009-01-08T10:30:00.000-08:00

Cynicism is most often born in disappointment.

This is most evident when cynicism is directed at leadership or those with perceived power. When a "follower" does not receive the care or empowerment that they believe they deserve, disappointment sets in, and cynicism increases (Prezzy Bush knows what I'm talking about).

The problem with cynicism is that it leaves us with little energy to do anything new. We unknowingly ignore our disappointment and focus all of our energy on revenge. And once we become cynical in one area of our life it becomes contagious. At one point we were just cynical politically but now we are cynical towards our church, our family, and the new Pepsi logo. I have experienced this snowball effect in my own life.

I find that I am moving away from this calcified cynicism. What helped? During my time at Mars Hill I began to reflect on the disappointments in my story. I took time to consider where I had anger and what previous pain fueled my anger. Only when I sat and considered where I had been failed and how I retaliated did I discover the exhaustion that I felt from years of mindless cynicism.

In 12 days we will have a new President. A new target of our country's cynicism...and yet it feels a little different to me. It feels as if some of the cynicism has quieted as we watch a man who refuses to spend his energy in anger, but has expended his energy in the name of newness, diversity, and hope.

Those last three words may sound cliche to you...but they are words that I hang on to. Taryn and I have many decisions to make in the next five months. Decisions that will impact careers, families, relationships, and credit card balances. It is easy for me to be cynical and say that we will move to the wrong city, go into enormous debt doing so, and be unhappy in our jobs. But that's just not very helpful, is it? Instead I long to spend my energy chasing new relationships, looking for a diversity of sources to inform our decisions, and hoping for a fruitful future for my bride and I.

Failure and Fiction

2009-01-07T10:00:00.000-08:00

Last year I decided that I would keep a one sentence journal. Ironically my last entry in the journal was dated April 9th and read "This is getting old."

This year's resolution is to read more fiction and watch more movies.

My goal is to beat KJ. Seriously check out her list.

Thanks Phoenix

2009-01-06T07:41:00.001-08:00

I gained 4 pounds during my 10 days in Phoenix. And I will wear those 4 extra lbs as a badge of honor.

Due to a lack of exercise (why didn't we organize some ultimate frisbee?) and my former eating habits, I have a little extra belly as I return back to NYC. Why the belly? I had no time to exercise because each day was filled with meals and familiar faces. Each person I talked with, laughed with, ate with, and dunked on has played a significant part in making me who I am today.

Going home can be such a strange time. You are faced with your past. Who you used to be. How you've changed. How home has changed. Who you have become and where you are going. It all shows up. I believe our tendency is to ignore the profundity of going home. We prefer to pretend like everything is the same or that nothing has changed. We fear facing our past and the ethos and traditions that have shaped who we are today.

I am thankful that my fear and avoidance was met with love and kindness. Friends and family made my 11 days in Phoenix quite rewarding. I was reminded that I am not defined by what I do, but who I love and who loves me.

Those who attempt personal formation on their own, ignoring the past and present influence of others, are walking a dangerous line. I may have been straddling that line prior to our trip home.

Thanks Phoenix.

NYT on the Economy (and Church Budgets?)

2009-01-04T17:19:00.000-08:00

“Bailouts, too, are aimed at correcting mistakes of the past, so they are backward-looking. We would be much better off spending our money forward-looking. If we spend $700 billion on new technology and innovation, we’d have a stronger, new, real economy. Up to now, the discussion has focused on the sectors that have been mismanaged rather than the sectors that are creating our future.”

- Stiglitz in NYT

Baby Pigeons?

2008-12-20T10:13:00.001-08:00

“‘You know: where are all the baby pigeons? It’s the burning question on every New Yorker’s mind.’ ‘They’re everywhere. You just have to look,’ says Ralph, who seems not to have heard the urban myth that pigeons arrive on the earth full grown and ready to be despised—or that they perform a backward version of human migration: raise babies in the suburbs, then move into town.”

I See You Everywhere, Julia Glass

Blue Shells

2008-12-19T16:48:00.001-08:00

Via xkcd

Prepare Him Room

2008-12-18T05:45:00.000-08:00

New York is a tricky place to be for the holidays.

I apologize to those who are tired of hearing about NYC. I will try to write some city-neutral things at some point, but for now I still find myself overwhelmed by what it means to live in this urban center.

New York prepares for the holidays unlike anything I have ever seen. The store fronts. The choirs. The churches. The trees. The food. The shopping. Its all here. This is truly the first Christmas in which I have spent a great deal of time preparing for Christmas. While certainly cliche and often commercialized, all of these things have prepped me to celebrate the coming of Christ.

Or is that really what we are preparing for? After all, New York is home of the Black Friday Wal-Mart trampling as well as millions of dollars in designer store discounts.

So while I am not sure of New York's intent, I believe the hyper-holiday environment of NYC has helped me focus on what it means to prepare for Christmas. To call others to something more than myself. To share how faith in the story of God can lead to a story much greater than the one's we know. To point beyond the gifts and lights. All the while hoping that there can be good found in family traditions, gift giving, and Christmas-tree-awing.

As hectic as things may be, I hope that we can all "prepare Him room" over these next few days.

A Beanie: Finally

2008-12-15T07:05:00.000-08:00

Why post this creepy picture of me in a hat?

This picture represents the end of a journey. It has been a tireless search. At the GAP, to RDFL, through the hills to Nordstrom, and down the slopes to the designer stores in the Meatpacking District. For nearly three years I have been looking for some kind of hat to keep my head warm. Call it a tuque, a cap, or a beanie...it doesn't matter, I needed one. My ears and bald head cannot survive without one.

So why was it such a journey you ask? Well, on each stop of my journey my fellow travelers would tell me that the hat I placed on my head made me look phallic. That's right, my wife, best friend, and brother would actually look me in the face and laugh as they describe the six foot tall male genital that they see in the mirror.

Needless to say, Saturday morning as I wondered the Union Square Christmas Market, I found the pictured beanie. As I placed it on my head, I anticipated the same finger pointing laughter. Instead, Taryn responded with a smile, and a "thats not so bad."

So please join me and my warm ears as we celebrate warmth that phallically speaking is "not so bad".

Thanks to all of you who have helped along the way.

3, 2, 1....

2008-12-09T09:26:00.001-08:00

As a washed up high school athlete I still revel in the moments where I sink the 18 foot "jump shot" with my Starbucks cup into the corner trash receptacle. I can no longer take pride in those moments after watching these guys. This. Is. Greatness.

Christmas Preparations

2008-12-08T07:07:00.000-08:00

The holiday season is a time for family and tradition. For me, it reminds me of the liquid nature of both tradition and family in my life. For my 24 years the people, places, and activities have been in flux. With that in mind, I am grateful for the time Taryn and I shared this last weekend. On Friday night we committed to a Christmas extravaganza. I purchased our first real tree (and carried it 12 blocks on my back), strung cranberries (that takes forever), bumped the Mariah Carey Christmas album, and baked a pumpkin bread pudding (it was amazing, anybody want the recipe?). No matter where we live our what "family" looks like, I am thankful for the home that I have in Taryn and look forward to many years of cranberry stringing.

Parker Palmer on vocation (and the US economy?)

2008-12-05T09:25:00.000-08:00

"Part of me treasures the hopefulness of the American legacy [that we can do anything we put our minds to]. But when I consistently refuse to take no for an answer, I miss the vital clues to my identity that arise when a way closes - and I am more likely both to exceed my limits and to do harm to others in the process."

- Parker Palmer, Let Your Life Speak

Coffee & Me

2008-12-04T21:41:00.000-08:00

This creative little article is pretty accurate in describing my journey with coffee.

Everyone should bookmark Christoph Niemann's NYT blog. Great things.

Does "the city" have a positive influence on marriage?

2008-12-02T19:12:00.000-08:00

Could cities like NYC actually be good for marriages? New York Magazine writer Jennifer Senior believes so.

"I also don't think I'm going out on too weak a limb when I stipulate that cities, in which we have a large network of companions...now seems like a good time to point out that New York State is tied for the fifth-lowest divorce rate* in the nation. Isn't it possible our marriages are simply better here?"

While I agree that cities provide a great deal of newness and opportunity for a wide range of activities, cities also bring a speed that can catapult couples into polarizing rhythms. No matter where you live, all married couples (how about THAT for a generalization) would agree that finding your rhythm as a couple is imperative to maintaining intimacy. Whether it is a Sunday afternoon brunch or a daily stroll through the park, each couple needs created space for communication. Any city will speed up this rhythm, thus the work becomes finding places of connection within this new pace. The speed of a city like NYC is not bad for a relationship, just very dangerous.

Taryn and I have struggled at times to balance the pace of the city and our much needed space for communication. We will both tell you that our relationship hinges on having the time to enjoy a nice dinner, watch Law and Order SVU, and share a lazy Saturday morning. However many days due to our schedules, commutes, and post-work fun (read:Rockefeller tree lighting!) we get home around 9:30 and both head straight to our computers to wrap up essays and e-mails.

So has the city affected our relationship? Yes it has. Living in the pace of the city has demanded that we turn up the intentionality of our communication. Sometimes we succeed, and other times we fail. The city has also given us incredible opportunities to interact with diversity of thought, religion, and leisure. We are thankful for these things.

The problem with my perspective? Taryn and I know no different. For the majority of our three years of marriage we have lived in large urban centers. Perhaps I am giving too much influence to the "city life". Perhaps the same danger is present in suburban, rural, and inter-galactic marriages. However, I imagine there is something unique about each of our situatedness and how it impacts our relationships. My fear is that we overlook the pros and cons of our situatedness, never naming what it means for us to experience community/intimacy/connection in our given contexts.

So should you move to NYC to save your relationships? Probably not. Unless your relationships need great food, large rats, and over priced real estate.

*I would assume that the low divorce rate is a result of people in NYC getting married later in life. In addition NYC is full of educated professionals. With higher education comes higher pay. With higher pay comes fewer financial struggles, the number one cause of tension in any marriage.

Outliers + Story

2008-12-01T06:43:00.000-08:00

"It is not easy to be honest about where we are from," Gladwell writes. Perhaps even more difficult to be grateful for it.

Gladwell, wrapping up his 260 page look at some of our world's most successful individuals says, "They are products of history and community, of opportunity and legacy. Their success is not exceptional or mysterious. It is grounded in a web of advantages and inheritances, some deserved, some not, some earned, some just plain lucky - but all critical to making them who they are." What makes an outlier an outlier? Their story. Sure they work hard. Yes they are intelligent. But the one thing that they all have in common is that they embrace their story.

While not Gladwell's words I believe that he acknowledges that these "outliers" have committed to the difficult task of embracing where they came from. They are grateful for their story.

Perhaps that sounds vague to you. To others it may sound cliche. Perhaps it's both. Regardless, I believe that it is true. We must love our story if we expect to find our "outlier potential".

Most often we chose vocations, relationships, and goals based on external criteria. Rather then looking into our own stories, giftings, and contexts we allow the latest trend to steer our efforts. We try to ignore our past in hopes that the pain will go away. We squash our desire for fear that others will judge us. We work very hard to ignore our unique story.

I believe that when we understand that our culture, our upbringing, and our families are part of what makes us unique....when we realize that the divorces, the abuse, and the neglect are all in fact part of who we are....when we stop listening to the world's distortion of our desire...then we will see our opportunity for greatness (whatever that means to you).

Gladwell shares that one of the themes found in every outlier is the opportunity or space for practice. Each outlier identified (purposefully or by some bit of luck) where there was opportunity in their story. They found what was unique about their situation and they lived into it. They didn't fight it. They didn't make a decision based on cultural preference or salary range. They stepped into their stories.

While Gladwell certainly says more than this in his book, the reminder to be grateful for my story hit me this past holiday weekend. I am still learning what it means to be grateful for my past. To be grateful for the death so that myself and others can know life. To embrace my giftings rather than trying to fit them into some cultural trend. To know my limitations and acknowledge my opportunities. Its not easy work. However, I am finding more gratitude for my story because of many of you.

May we all continue to live out of gratitude for our unique story rather than adding to the pages of those who fail leaping at the latest trends.

Brian Eno on Singing (and church programming?)

2008-11-30T12:30:00.000-08:00

"Singing aloud leaves you with a sense of levity and contentedness. And then there are what I would call "civilizational benefits." When you sing with a group of people, you learn how to subsume yourself into a group consciousness because acapella singing is all about the immersion of the self into the community. That's one of the great feelings -- to stop being me for a little while and to become us. That way lies empathy, the great social virtue."

- Brian Eno, NPR Interview

NYC: The Internet's Blueprint?

2008-11-25T16:51:00.000-08:00

"Think about it: Serendipitous encounters between people who know each other well, sort of well, and not at all. People of every type, and with every type of agenda, trying to meet up with others who share that same agenda. An environment that's alive at all hours, populated by all types, and is, most of the time, pretty safe. What he was saying, really, was that New York had become the Web. Or perhaps more, even: that New York was the Web before the Web was the Web, characterized by the same free-flowing interaction, 24/7 rhythms, subgroups, and demimondes."

This quote is from an article in this week's New York Magazine. Later this week I will say more in regards to the article's look at loneliness, urbanization, and marriage.

I can sense your anticipation.

Kirk's Fireproof Banana Theology

2008-11-22T19:25:00.000-08:00

A. Mazing.

Dear Pen Stealers...

2008-11-19T17:20:00.000-08:00

Dear Doctor's Office Pen Stealers,

You are privileged here in our office. We don't give you some clickidy-clicking ballpoint pen plastered with advertisements for erectile dysfunction prescriptions. We give you quality pens. Both the UniBall Jetstream and the Staple's made Sonix Gel are wonderful writing utensils. We have chosen these pens because they write smoothly (allowing your still highly illegible hand writing to be slightly more legible) and because they have a much longer shelf life then a standard Bic.

I understand why you would want to steal them. I really do. I love pens. But how about some pen gratitude? When you write with our blue-inked UniBall Jetstream why don't you just ask me where we bought them? When you experience the .07mm glory of the Sonix Gel, why don't you say thank you for such a wonderful paperwork completing tool? What compels you to sneak it into your purse? I saw you! Ya, YOU! Just now. You are a stealer.

I know times are difficult. I know that the economy is in the crapper. Your 401k looks more like $4.01. I get it. But you are a Manhattan resident (most often a doctor, professor, lawyer, graphic designer, small business owner etc.) who can afford to buy your own pens. Honestly, if you ask me about our pens I will tell you where we got them and perhaps even order you a box. I may even let you know that a better pen, the UniBall Vision Exact (.1mm), is on sale at the Staple's on 72nd.

So I beg you, please stop stealing our pens. If you don't start showing some gratitude I will start ordering #2 pencils and force you to sharpen them with a plastic knife.

Thanks in advance.

Sincerely,

Your Office Manager

Jarrod Shappell

Gladwellian Anticipation

2008-11-18T06:10:00.001-08:00

Today Malcolm Gladwell's new book Outliers arrives at my door (or in my lobby as it were). I have read both Blink and Tipping Point and have read the majority of his lectures and New Yorker articles. I am admittedly smitten with Mr. Gladwell.

One reason for my brain crush is Gladwell's uncanny ability to live in the tension of our humanity. For example, in Tipping Point his theory was all about how one individual, taking advantage of connectors and mavens, can create social networks that change the world. In Tipping Point it began and ended with the individual's influence. In Outliers he starts at the other end. He argues that people’s opportunity to empower global change, while partly driven by talent and hard work, is largely structured by external opportunities and environments. As he explains, "My wish with Outliers is that it makes us understand how much of a group project success is. When outliers become outliers it is not just because of their own efforts. It's because of the contributions of lots of different people and lots of different circumstances— and that means that we, as a society, have more control about who succeeds—and how many of us succeed—than we think."

Not too many authors would publish a book that runs the risk of belittling all that has been said in his previous material. I don't imagine that Outliers makes Tipping Point irrelevant, but it does seem to provide balance to his previous works and give us a more realistic picture of the world we live in. A world in which our success is more about our interrelatedness than our personal will power.

But I haven't even read a page yet, so I'll let you know when I'm done.

Bono on Barack

2008-11-14T10:36:00.000-08:00

"Every room I have ever been in with you was a much easier room for your presence. It's rare to meet a person like you, where intellect and intuition make such a perfect rhyme. Your intuition tells you that the well-being of the American people, spiritually as well as physically, is connected with America's role in the world....I know you know how much cheaper it is to make friends of potential enemies than to defend yourself at a later date...My prayer for you is that your instinct and intellect stay in harmony in the difficult months and triumphant years ahead."

- Bono writing to President Elect Barack Obama in this month's Sojourners

Touching Strangers

2008-11-13T06:42:00.000-08:00

I was stopped dead in my tracks by this series of photographs. You can read an interview with the photographer here, but before you do that I suggest looking through these images with a great deal of wonder.

And a fun game...stop at each photograph and try to give it a story or caption to make sense of the scene.

My example for the above photo: Both tired from a record 26 minute leg wrestling match, Carlos and Alex pose outside of the Tennis Ball Factory to commemorate their epic battle.

Feelings

2008-11-12T07:36:00.000-08:00

Feelings.

You feel them, I feel them, we all feel them.

The question is not whether we have them its whether we are in touch with them.

That last sentence was cheesy. Really cheesy. Doctor Phil cheesy.

However, in recent days I have been overwhelmed by the Christian tendency to belittle feelings. We continue to swallow the "consider it pure joy" pill and refuse to address issues of fear, loneliness, and pain. For whatever reason we believe that God has entitled us to a life without pain or suffering. Thus, we work our tails off for this illusive perma-smile and in the end find ourselves ragged and lacking significant intimacy with others.

This quote didn't need any of the above commentary...but you got it anyways. :)

"No-one is less able to sustain happiness than someone obsessed with feeling only happiness. A happy and meaningful existence depends on the ability to feel emotions other than happiness, as well as ones that compete with happiness...Today, the demand for triviality has never been higher and our tolerance for seriousness has never been lower."

- The Happiness Consipiracy by John F. Schumaker (via elnellis)

Jonesin' for the PNW

2008-11-11T06:16:00.000-08:00

Things I miss about Seattle....

1) Rain that isn't really rain. When it rains here you get soaked. When it rains in Seattle, you just do a quick shimmy and you are dry.

2) Doughnuts. In this city there are bagels. But since learning that doughnuts often have less calories and significantly more nutritional value than a bagel I am longing for TopPot and Dahlia's.

3) Amazon books arriving at my house in 12 hours. Thanks to the Amazon castle (and the warehouse in federal way ) books purchased with standard shipping would show up in less than a day. I just ordered 4 books that I will not see for over 8 business days and after they arrive in my building my superintendent Jimmy will probably hide the package from me because he thinks that its fun to watch me wonder around the lobby. I'll get you Jimmy.

4) THE market. Today I tried to bite into an apple purchased at my corner market and my teeth were stopped by whatever fungus had hardened inside the peel. I literally could not bite it. I miss my seven inch circumference, snappy honeycrip. Oh, and the mac and cheese. Oh, and the meat. Oh, and the view. (Taryn: "Oh, and the flowers.")

5) Beards. Bankers, lawyers, and actors all shave. I miss me some good ol' fashion beard.

New York is lovely but Seattle can go to sleep tonight knowing that there is a New Yorker jonesin' for some of its pacific northwest goodness.

What if You Truly Loved...

2008-11-08T13:49:00.000-08:00

mhgs what no. 2 from blaine hogan on Vimeo.

The three people in this video are responsible for inviting a great deal of transformation in my life. All three of them are quote machines (as you can gather) but I often have to return to my notes to recall their one-liners and brain crushing ideas. Rather when I listen to their words in this video I am reminded of coffee dates, theological debates, tears, communion, and invitation. I am reminded of their love and their sacrifice to train future transformation leaders. I am eternally grateful.

An Epic Lullaby

2008-11-04T22:07:00.000-08:00

Taryn and I live in Morningside Heights. A couple white guys renamed this area "morningside heights" because they wanted Columbia students and their families to feel safe and removed from the culture and alleged threat of Harlem.

So truly Taryn and I live in Harlem. Last night, as we walked home, just three blocks from our home a spontaneous gathering of community members joined to celebrate the evening's results. There was drum beating. There were shouts. Honks. Shrieks. Parades. Tears. Even fireworks.

Last night I fell asleep to their chants.

Before I went to bed I would mute the TV and listen. It was surreal. An often objectified and ignored community with a unified voice of joy.

Last night I fell asleep to their chants.

You could actually hear their tears. Tears of celebration but also of memory. They remember all of those who have fought for a moment such as this. They did not forget the generations who worked and even bled for this dream...they chanted for them.

Last night I fell asleep to their chants.

I don't think they believed it could happen. Not just that an African-American could hold the world's most powerful office, but that they could impact change. The last chant I heard was "Yes we did!" It was the sound of liberation. The sound of disbelief. The sound of pride. Pride in their country and pride in themselves.

Last night I feel asleep to the chants of Harlem. An epic lullaby that I will never forget.

Election Day: A Country Still In Formation

2008-11-04T06:53:00.001-08:00

" I think most of us are far more clear what we are voting against more than what we are voting for. Tomorrow, when all of the electoral votes are counted, and the winner declared, what will you truly be for?...As a nation of 232 years young, we are still in formation. Compared to most civilizations and societies around the world, there is far more we don't know than we do know about being one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. Let's hope together that this new leader can help us learn together just a little more about what that part of the pledge we said every day of our childhoods actually means. And perhaps we can start tomorrow with how we approach those on the other side of whatever aisles we find ourselves on."

- Ron Carucci, Friend and author of Future (In)formation

A Stamp of Approval

2008-11-03T06:59:00.000-08:00

Newsweek has a fascinating article on Bush's response to his ever plummeting approval rating (which many say is now under 25%). The article explains how those close to Bush say that he has handled the dislike for his administration with balance and poise. I am not certain how to receive that. Does President Bush really have enough resolve or confidence in his decisions so that the nation's approval does not matter? Or does he simply brush it off knowing no matter what he does there would be pros and cons? I am not certain, but I cannot imagine that his "I'm rubber, you're glue" disposition is honest.

Everyone has a need for approval.

For whatever reason I have had a greater sense of this recently. I have seen it in myself and in others. I have a growing sense that humanity is constantly working to receive approval from someone or something. Our motives for love, appreciation, and reward consume us.

It starts when we are young. We are told throughout our youth "to be good". We are shown that if we eat all of our food we get dessert. We are told if we get straight A's we will get to watch an entire evening of GUTS, Wild and Crazy Kids, and What Would You Do. From there we join teams, go to colleges, and take jobs with the approval of others in mind. In some ways we are raised to live our lives seeking approval.

While I do not believe that living for reward is inherently evil, too many times we abandon our character in order to appease our own motives. When we operate out of these motives for approval our character deteriorates. We no longer consider how our actions can positively impact others but only how our actions will satisfy our need for approval.

I will not end this with Christian cliche (because its cliche does not make it any less true) saying that God approves of us regardless of our actions. Rather a simple question to all who struggle with this as I do. Who are we trying to please and can they truly give us the kind of value that will erase our desire for approval?

Best of NYC: Peanut Butter & Co / Little Owl

2008-10-30T06:31:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I have posted an NYC food note. Here is a brief two for one.

Located in the heart of Greenwich Village is my new favorite specialty shop, Peanut Butter & Co.

Taryn and I have now had two of their unique peanut butters. The first one was a no sugar added crunchy mix called "Crunch Time". This p.b. is great on just about everything. If you like crunch then this stuff is for you. Its not quite sweet enough for me so I think its perfect with a little bit of jelly. The second p.b. we have purchased is Cinnamon Raisin Swirl. I call it "ants on a log juice" because it goes perfectly on a big ol' stalk of celery. This p.b. is delicious with the perfect amount of sweet and salty. I eat it every morning. We intend to eat the rest of the Peanut Butter & Co collection, including White Chocolate Wonderful and The Bee's Knees.

I won't say much about Little Owl (also located in the Village) because the interweb is littered with foodie reviews of the new-ish restaurant. That said, last night I ordered the pork chop and it was perfection. The Flinstone's size chop was served on top of fava beans, spinach, and a thin apple slice. It was topped with a delicious sauce (apple vinegar base) that featured fennel (loud but not overpowering) and rosemary. For dessert I had the apple crisp with hazelnut gellato. I am a conisuer of apple crisps (just ate Otto's on Sunday night) and this one may be the cream of the crop.

Oh...and rubbing shoulders with me throughout my meal at the Little Owl? Michelle Pfieffer and Kate Kapshaw (Indy: Temple of Doom). Sitting across from Michelle? Steven Spielberg.

I should have asked him why War of the Worlds sucked so bad.

JUST VOTE ALREADY!

2008-10-27T18:51:00.000-07:00

Creativity and Competition

2008-10-21T16:02:00.000-07:00

I'm competitive.

Everyone who knows me just shook their heads in agreement.

While I imagine it can be a strength, my competitiveness generally leads to me making opponents. I can make just about anything a game. I have challenged friends to competitions in pizza eating, marshmallow spitting, myspace comment making, and just about every thing a human being could do with a basketball.

I want to embrace this competitiveness but cannot figure out where my life reaps its benefits. Rather, I often despise my competitive juices. Why? Because I believe there is a link between competition and creativity. But its not a good one.

We have been told competition leads to innovation, but what if the constant comparison and competition actually limits our ability to innovate?

An excellent example of this can be found in Microsoft's recent ad campaign. The ads appear to be nothing more than a rebuttal. Nothing original. Nothing new. Just the Windows take on the Apple commercials. Their counterstrike was said to be a rebranding of PC's because, as their ad exec states, "you always want to own your own story." But does constantly launching counter attacks at your opposition really help you own your own story? Rather, the constant comparison leads to a lack of originality and a defensive stance towards all competitors. When you have to be looking over your shoulder to see who's creating similar products, ideas, songs, etc you miss out on opportunities to innovate. A company's value should be found in what differentiates them from the competition. The Microsoft ad campaign does little to differentiate and leads to a greater comparison between the two rivals. I am not qualified to say this, but it would seem that the all too common viewpoint that better advertising can cure all ills is evidence of Microsoft's larger ethos of defensiveness.

I have defaced this conversation and made it a little too commercial for my taste. Let me give a final thought.

I too often compare myself to the fashions of others only to miss out on what makes me unique. What I am currently processing is the human hesitance to be confident in who we are, and as a result, what we create. Whether it is our weight, our car, our job, our success, our "cool factor", or our relationships...we embrace what is uniquely ours. In order to be creative we must own our own stories. We must stop copying and comparing. We must rid ourselves of our defensive posture. We can't keep that pace for long. Oddly, we should find that originality is not nearly as exhausting as trying to out race the competition.

Escapist Entertainment

2008-10-15T16:32:00.000-07:00

"When the country goes though what is perceived by many to be a recession, escapist entertainment is what our viewers look for." - Dawn Ostroff, CW President

Well said media exec who is making millions on our fragile psychological state.

Recession or not my morning escape is still a slice of toast with peanut butter and jelly, a cup of coffee, and back to back episodes of Saved by the Bell.

I don't need you Gossip Girls. I have Zach and Kelly.

Originality

2008-10-14T20:12:00.000-07:00

"At the same time, 'newness' or originality are often matters of subtle degree. The new doesn’t have to be an epoch-shifting breakthrough. Just as we all have different fingerprints and handwriting, we all have a potential for some increment of originality. I am always on the lookout for a spark of necessity — a feeling that this particular artist had no choice but to make this particular artwork this particular way. That is the only way authenticity or even originality can start to emerge."

- Roberta Smith (NYT) on experiencing art...and humanity.

Best of NYC: Burger Bash

2008-10-13T17:59:00.000-07:00

After weeks of online scalping, Taryn and I got two tickets to last weekend's Burger Bash. The event was the kick-off for the weekend long FoodTV Food and Wine Festival here in the city. The party was perfect. I will spare you with all of the details and just tell you that there was unlimited Blue Moon, Godiva pastries, Momofuku frozen yogurt, and many many wines to choose from.

Taryn and I ate 17 of the 18 burgers* that were entered into the competition. Taryn voted for Porterhouse and I voted for Craft (Tom Colicchio).

Here are my five favorite burgers of the evening:
1) Craft
2) Porterhouse
3) Daisy May's BBQ
4) The one in the NW corner with the sweet potato fries
5) BLT Burger

I apologize for this disorganized posting of photos, just wanted to give you a taste of our evening (ba-da-ching)!

* Most burgers were cut in half and Taryn and I would split each half. So for the math majors out there: 17 x 1/2 x 1/2 = 4 1/4 burgers each.

Soap Dish Revisited

2008-10-10T21:28:00.000-07:00

Seeing

2008-10-06T18:47:00.001-07:00

"The brain and the eye have a contractual relationship in which the brain has agreed to believe what the eyes sees, but in return the eye has agreed to look for what the brain wants." – Daniel Gilbert

Over the last 2.5 years I have lived in liberal-land. Seattle and New York City are full of Obamaniacs and while I do not consider myself a maniac I will be voting for him in the coming weeks. That said, this last weekend Taryn and I spent a good day and half in rural Indiana. As we spoke with family and locals it was clear that we were the political minority (the fact that I owned an Obama t-shirt was mind-blowing to most).

As I discussed politics with those "across the aisle" I realized how all of us seek out sources that will reaffirm our positions. I read the NYT and watch CNN. I listen to NPR and read Gladwell. I subscribe to Paste and Wired. I fill my Google Reader with urbanized, socialist, liberals. Without doing so intentionally I have surrounded myself with information that supports my beliefs.

Humans have the uncanny ability to find a positive way to view the things they believe…after they become their own. I believe this is natural but dangerous.

Why dangerous? Dangerous because as we surround ourselves with like-minded people, we see difference (political, religious, gender, city, profession) as inferior. We run into opposition and we hold their facts under greater scrutiny. We ask for more quotes, more examples, and more statistics. We judge others with a larger gavel and lose the ability to think independently.

All that to say, perhaps democrats should watch a little FoxNEWS. Perhaps Bible thumping Christians should be familiar with the Qur'an. Perhaps Californians should take off their sunglasses and consider that happiness can be found in other states. Perhaps all of us should look across the "aisle" and see the faces of others. Sure they believe different things, sure they may not have their facts right (maybe Sarah Palin really does protect us from Russia), but lets at least acknowledge that we have dangerously told our brain to believe our eyes and trained our eyes to affirm our brain.

A Theology of Flyers

2008-09-30T08:22:00.000-07:00

They are on every corner. Old men, starving actors, and recent MBA grads all with the same mission. To hand me a flyer.

New York City is filled with flyer-passer-outers. They invite me to come to the Lost Film Fest, the Patron Concert Tour staring T.I, and the Strictly For Ladies Party with DJ Fuzzy Navel. They tell me I should have my palm read, my neck massaged, and my colon cleansed via a state of the art hydrotherapy (fancy speak for water up my pooper). Sometimes they give me free samples of gum, water, or M&M ice cream treats. Each time I come face to face with one of these flyer-passer-outers I am faced with a dillema. Do I take the flyer or do I walk on by?

My gut tells me to ignore them. Just keep your head down and walk on by. However, I cannot imagine the rejection they must feel. Can you imagine people purpusefully avoiding eye contact with you for eight hours? That would get old. As a man who was days away from looking for temporary work, I feel for the struggling young people giving me flyers for NY Tour Busses. That could have been me.

And so I take the flyer. But what am I supposed to do with this 8 x 11.5, neon green advertisement for this weekend's Wall-Mart protest? I throw it away. I take a glance and throw it in the trash. You may be thinking, "so what"? The truth is that I lived in SEA for too long and the green in me shivers at the thought of waste. If I take a flyer (freebie, sticker, etc) I feel awful wasting it. NYC has very few receycling recepiticles so it can't even be recycled. Just straight into the trash. Even worse...don't tell my wife...sometimes I just drop them on the ground.

So I am stuck. When Amy, the ex-chorus member in Spamalot is standing on the corner trying to convince me that her new bottled water will increase my bone density, what am I to do?

The Big Tuck

2008-09-25T20:17:00.001-07:00

Taryn and I have lived in three very different cities over the last three years. We have moved from the SW corner of the US, to the NW corner, and now to the NE corner. One of the things we have thoroughly enjoyed in this bi-coastal season of life is the vastly different cultures we experience. It is also fascinating to see how these cultures rub off on us.

As anyone who has ever moved, traveled over seas, or watched foreign films knows every culture has their own set of norms. These norms are then used as the lens through which everything is interpreted. Whether aware of it or not we are frequently interpreting verbal and nonverbal behavior through these lenses. If people are from the same or similar cultures, they will often attach the same meaning to a given behavior. It's not rocket science, I know.

Let me highlight this with the first thing that comes to mind...my currently tucked in shirt.

Just years ago I sat in Phoenix, AZ having a spirited dialogue that asked whether any of us would ever be a shirt-tucker-iner. All of us in the group said "no". If you are in PHX and you tuck in your shirt you are either going golfing or have to go work an office job from 10-3 and then go golfing. There is no other reason to tuck in your shirt. Then I moved to Seattle. If you live in Seattle and tuck in your shirt you either work for Microsoft or you are going on a date. Period. Then I moved to New York..the Big Apple...the Big Tuck. Every shirt here is tucked. T-shirt, polo, long sleeve, dress shirt, Tommy Bahama...all tucked. You tuck it in for work, for a date, or for a walk to the store. I have seen variations of the tuck. The half tuck. The muffin top tuck. The keep the gut in tuck. The pants to high tuck. The wall street tuck. Tuck, tuck, tuck! I have heard it said that your tucked in shirt can make or break a job interview. You want to succeed in Manhattan, you better tuck in that shirt buddy!

As I sit with my Ben Sherman button down shirt tucked in, I am not certain that I will leave this city as a shirt-tucker-inner. However I am eager to see how my own lens is shaped by our time here in The Big Tuck.

A Job & A Prostate Exam

2008-09-24T20:34:00.000-07:00

I got a job.

Its pretty much a glorified temp job. I am an office manager for a doctor's office. I am doing everything from receptionist duties (booking patients, etc.) to arranging a move into a shiny new office in midtown. The doctors are all wonderful and the pay is good. For those who were worried the current situation on Wall Street would keep me from ever finding a job...you can now sleep soundly.

I share that to give an update but also to tell a brief story. Today a man came into the office an hour late for his appointment. After checking him in and reviewing his charts I discovered he was there for a prostate exam. While waiting for a doctor in the waiting room, he fell asleep. He FELL ASLEEP. If I was about to have someone stick their finger in and around my rectum I would certainly not be sleeping. I'd be squirming. Playing the drums on the clip board. I'd be a wreck. Not this guy. He was a rock. I think this man may be my new definition of clutch. Any man who does not have nerves prior to a prostate exam is the man that I want taking the shot at the buzzer.

Unbelievable.

Battle in Seattle: Charlize Stood Me Up

2008-09-19T23:03:00.000-07:00

Last night I was supposed to have a hot date with Charlize Theron. Sadly she stood me up. Even worse, she sent her boyfriend.

Taryn and I went to see the limited release of "Battle in Seattle" and were promised that Charlize and Stuart Townsand would be there for a time of Q&A before and after the film. Charlize was absent but Stuart still gave a brief description of why he shot this dramatized documentary surrounding the 1999 WTO protests. He explained that it was something that very few people remember and even fewer understand the significance. He said that the "WTO protests were the One campaign, go green, and organic before it was cool to be any of those things." Stuart believes (and I happen to agree after viewing the movie and a few hours of online research) that the 1999 Seattle protests were a watershed event that pushed forward many initiatives that we are a part of today. While sarcastically trivializing the protests to be the beginning of world wide Bonoism in his pre-show introduction, his film depicts a causal community that truly grabs the attention of the WTO and the world.

I must admit that in the two years that Taryn and I lived in Seattle no one spoke of these protests. Furthermore, as a 15 year old, I do not even remember hearing about them. That is why Townsend made this movie.

I will leave the movie reviews to the professionals (I'd give it a B). However if you live in the Seattle area I think that it would be VERY valuable to give this cultural arti-fiction a viewing.

"Someday We'll Go All the Way"

2008-09-17T15:08:00.001-07:00

Eddie Vedder, yes the Eddie Vedder, wrote a song for the Cubs. I have posted the lyrics below. You can listen to the song here. This is arguable the best Pearl Jam song ever (sorry Jeremy and Even Flow).

_____

"Someday We'll Go All the Way"

Yeah, don't let them say that it's just a game.
Well, I've seen other teams and it is never the same.
When you go to Chicago, you're blessed and you're healed, The first time you walk into Wrigley Field.

Heroes with pinstripes and heroes in blue, Give us the chance to feel like heroes do.
Whether we'll win and if we should lose, we know Someday we'll go all the way.
Yeah, someday we'll go all the way.

We are one with the Cubs, with the Cubs we're in love.
Hold our heads tall as the underdogs.
We are not fairweather, but farweather fans.
Like brothers in arms, in the suites and the stands.
There's magic in the Ivy and the old score board.
The same one I stared at as a kid keeping score.
In a world full of greed, we could never want more.
Someday we'll go all the way.
Yeah, someday we'll go all the way.

Here's to the men and the legends we've known.
Giving us faith and giving us hope.
United we stand and united we'll fall
Down to our knees the day we win it all.
Yeah Ernie Banks said, "oh, let's play two".
I think he meant two hundred years.
Playing at Wrigley, our diamond, our jewel.
The home of our joy and our fears.
Keeping traditions, and wishes anew,
The place where our grandfathers' fathers they grew.
The spiritual feeling if I ever knew.
And when the day comes for that last winning run, and I'm crying and covered with beer.
I look to the sky and know I was right today.
Someday we'll go all the way.
Yeah, someday we'll go all the way.

________

Eddie makes Cubs fans sound like a hopeful college freshman in search of his first trip around the bases...if you know what I'm saying. But you know what? Bring a Cubs fan is kinda like that. It's like being a winning virgin.

Edit-ability

2008-09-14T10:48:00.000-07:00

"The relativism which is not willing to speak about truth but only about 'what is true for me' is an evasion of the serious business of living. It is the mark of a tragic loss of nerve in our contemporary culture. It is a preliminary symptom of death...When I say 'I believe,' I am not merely describing an inward feeling or experience: I am affirming what I believe to be true, and therefore what is true for everyone. The test of my commitment to this belief will be that I am ready to publish it, to share it with others, and to invite their judgment and - if necessary - correction. If I refrain from this exercise, if I try to keep my belief private matter, it is not belief in the truth." - Newbigin, The Gospel in a Pluralist Society

Blogging is an odd thing. People use their online spaces to sell products, virtually whisper their secrets, and to publish their thoughts. It was written in a recent Wired Magazine article that “Like it or not, we are all public figures now — famous, as the new cliché goes, for 15 people.” I find that many people blog with this narcissistic fuel. Those who blog to brand themselves and advertise their individuality call it good marketing. I think there is a thin line between narcissism and self-marketing. One that every blogger walks.

That said, I hope this space (green and ugly as it is) is nothing more than a place for me to create and publish my thoughts. It is my hope that the things that are posted here give a glimpse into the mind and soul of Jarrod (I apologize if you don't want to look in there). While I do not assume that blogs create community, it is my hope that you feel the freedom to interact with my thoughts and push back in a way that challenges us both.

I publish thoughts so that they may be edited.

Best of NYC: Koronet

2008-09-12T13:21:00.000-07:00

Definitely the largest slice we have seen in NYC so far. $3 gets you this.

The dough is perfectly crispy on the bottom, not too much sauce, and plenty of cheese. A perfect combo. And for pizzacarbaholics like myself, its open until 4am.

Praise God for Koronet.

Cubs: "You Don't Pick Who You Love"

2008-09-11T19:31:00.000-07:00

We called my great grandma "Candy Grandma" because she always had a dish of candy next to her blue recliner. Almost weekly we would go over to her house and steal candy from this dish, join her on the couch, and watch TV. It was a little tv, framed in oaky-finish, and I remember moving the knob to the only channel we ever watched together. Channel 9. WGN.

Candy Grandma got me addicted. Not to Werther's Originals, DOTS, or Sugar Babies. To the Chicago Cubs.

Next to the TV was her shrine to Santo, Grace, and Sandberg. She had autographed baseballs, stuffed animals, and miscellaneous give-a-ways that draped the shelves in red and blue. Yet, something was missing among this paraphernalia. It is something that is missing from any Cubs fan of the last 100 years. We have nothing that reads "World Champion Chicago Cubs".

The 100 year drought has been written about exhaustively this season. However, today ESPN.com has an excellent story highlighting the tortured souls that dress themselves in Cubbie Blue.

For a glimpse into my life of sports misery, read these stories.